ARNOLD KUMAR goes to the gym !!!!!

It was the ...umm ...I don't remember the exact count but must be the sixth or the seventh time I was glued on to star movies watching my thala ( our screen heroes for whom we would do anything ) sylvester stallone bash up the Russians in RAMBO 3 . All pumped up I went in front of the mirror , stripped off my shirt ...And giving a What-a-man look at myself , I shouted "yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh " which almost shook my entire colony (My downstairs mama has got yet another reason to complain against me in the society meeting ...).

I wrenched and flexed each and every not-visible-to-human-eye muscles on my body and called my young 10 year old brother .In fact he had come there without me calling him courtesy- my nasal capacity ."Count the no of packs " I called out to him giving a proud look .

"One . " he stopped . "And then ..." I flexed again ..."One" this time he sounded louder "and that's it ".......

"Yeahhhhhhhhh" I growled again and took two push ups (the maximum till date ) ... "Now count " I sounded like an arrogant goon .

"One "......."Ayoo , mummy , even thollai thangalai...please help me " ( Loosely translated - "I am fed up with his antics...mom please save me )...

Soon I realised I had just a single pack . Five short .

Oh god . I thought for five minutes sitting at the place where each and every guy on earth spends his maximum time and usually comes up with brilliant ideas .Soon I flushed all the useless ideas and came out . Decided . I am hitting the gym from tomorrow ...

"MISSION ARNOLD KUMAR " - from arun kumar to arnold kumar in three weeks ......

(coz sylvester kumar sounded weird )

The next day at gym...

"Macha don't over do ...just warm up "said my so called body builder , friend Visu .

"ha ha ...ethellam nee arun kumar kitta sollu ...naan arnold kumar da " I growled looking sympathetically at the other silly-small-boy-body-builders out there as I kept dancing around in a round disc which kept rotating from one side to the other along with me . This was easy . I mean for Arnold kumar , obviously , anything was easy .

Then slowly I lifted some weights and did a few other similar versions of it and finally when I went on to the leg crunches section . "Macha , you are over doing it ...do the leg thing next week else you wont be able to walk " he warned ..."Silly fellow ...kumar...arnold kumar machan " I replied with the poise of Reid & Bond ad.

He gave a smile for which I didn't know the reason then . I slowly worked for another half an hour and finally packed off . Felt great that day . Did some shadow boxing on the streets oblivious of the constant stares from the garment-factory figures and the so-called-ladies-college ....umm its hurts but still...Figures ( phew , I managed to type it )...

The whole day went about boasting about my adventures at gym . My poor bro was lifted into the air many a times as a testimonial for my gymming . Poor bro , I can imagine how I would have felt had someone lifted me somewhere close to the ceiling fan and rotated me ....

Finally I slept early as I was very tired .

The next morning ...oops sorry the next afternoon I was still struggling to get myself out of my bed . Felt someone should bring a stretcher to get me to the bathroom . Oh no . Each and every muscle ( don't laugh ...no comedy intended .I might have muscles ..miracles do happen ...)...coming back each and every muscle pained .

And suddenly my cell phone rang . "Come to my office urgently . I have some work for you " my mom spoke . Oh but why today . Anyway , with no other option I somehow managed to get up and when I began to walk . Oh , what the fuck . I was walking as if I had a football in between my legs . ( "Macha , you are over doing it ...do the leg thing next week else you wont be able to walk " the flashback played across ) ....I tried to join them but in vain .

Oh no , I was getting late . Will check this out later I told myself and soon I was there standing amidst the passengers of chennai suburban rail. And the imaginary football between my legs was still there . I tried different styles and position to bring them back together . But nothing worked and while I was still trying I saw a small boy staring at me and he wore a naughty smile . Then he stared at something behind me . I turned to see what it was . It was the diagram of a man with a huge ....ummm...ditch it ....it read ...Dr rajkumar ...some crap...contact me for cure of hernia ...Oh no ...Now I understood (My flashback went to those L.K.G days when my father warned me to wear an underwear or I would end up like that ). The boy was still staring with the I know-what-you-did-smile intact . Aaaarghhhh ...Naan avan ellai thambi (I am not him )...Its not what you think , dear young fellow ...Oh , but how do I explain . The stop arrived and I got down . He still kept staring and suddenly he broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter ...Aaaargh...I quickly turned around and tried to walk normally ..But in vain ...Arnold kumar - the damage is done .....

I stood staring at the mirror at the end of day happy to get rid of the imaginary football (of course after a whole day's struggle ) and decided a single pack was much better for me .

Finally after much emotional trauma and tears , I , arun kumar , bade goodbye to Arnold kumar .....

And that's how the world lost Arnold kumar.........(Sobs)

P.S : I wish I never come across the boy in my entire life ...