Watha ummaley !!!!!

Hazy smoke all around , horns blaring , a vaguely visible red light ( god knows why the red lights followed by an area always refers to a that...) Anyway the red light here has no connection to that. With motors of each and every company competing with each other as to who coughs out loud, the array of vehicles stood along the stop line resembling a bunch of runners all set to go.The share autos who teach us the art of utilizing space be it inside or outside autos , the buses with every alternate one sitting near the window propelling a jet of paan and maneuvering it so that the trajectory just about misses your face , the quintessential chennai cycle wallahs devoid of all traffic rules and intended to provide training to every biker in applying the long forgotten art of applying brakes , the Yama's service providers -the water tankers , tha auto guys ( the ones who would insert a rod into your ass and come to fight with you saying your hole is not compatible so you got to pay him extra) ,the guys who forget that a two wheeler is not a three star hotel room and indulge in their wildest of fantasies with an equally cooperative girlfriend , add to it the smoke coming out from the stomachs of the not so lucky ones , who are of course alone in their bikes introspecting as to how come they were devoid of all these ...And as the law book says the guy who is having a ball of a time looks so bad that even u could pass of as a Brad Pitt in comparison , whereas the gal is a stunner ,...the rules never change ...and so do the ever increasing population of
"I don't have a figure " guys ...

Well its all nearly done with the entire traffic system of Chennai in front of you ...Oops Ialmost forget , the dada of Chennai traffic , MR MAMA as they are fondly called ,the traffic policemen , with the most sophisticated gadgets or as they make it make it out to be , right across every signals and the most peaceful roads where you were just about testing the maximum speed your bike can go , abracadabra , there appears our very own mama , from where ??? how??? when??? are the questions for which I could never find answers ...but somehow they are there, followed with rs 50 to rs 500 automatically moving from your pocket to mama's pocket depending on your acting skills and the your capability to evoke emotions( the story might range anything from a sick mother's medical charges to an about to be late tuition class )...amidst all this commotion stood a blue unicorn .

Why a blue unicorn all of a sudden ...Absolutely no suspense , that's my bike and I have got to keep the story moving. I was in my unicorn having a gala time with ' obviously you know who is sitting behind' ...dont remember what we were talking about and thank god I don't ... coz I am sure and I truly believe in statutory warning " listening to other couples talk even for a few seconds might be extremely injurious to your ears and mental health...". dont know why even the most boring of topics if at all you have one seem to interesting when you are in love ...( well honestly there are hardly times when you really have a topic , leave classifying it as boring or interesting )

And just about when I get a little bit closer to the one sitting behind , the light goes green ....Vroommmmmm ...there is a great uproar and with and every vehicle competing for its own space the journey begins ...

"Otha ummale , veetula sollitu vanthutiya "the auto wallah shouted to a cycle wallah .I Hate to translate it ." otha ummale , have you already informed at your place " ....lol...few things lose their charm when translated. Well it typically means have you decided to die in an accident .Anyways in case you were wondering why I didnt translate "oatha ummale " .Dont worry you will get the answer soon ...

And hold , you have got company , Its not just you who has got this doubt , the brilliant person sitting behind me also had the same doubt .

she: "arun ,what did he say"

me : "nothing di...just like that .. anyway at what time is our show ??

she : "Who cares,but you better tell me what he said and what it
means" .

I thought watha ummale entha ponnungale eppadithaan ...

me : "Otha ummale " ..

she : "What???"

me : "Otha ummale ...O..T..H...A....... U..M..M..A..L..L..E ....GOT IT ???"....

she : "Atha ammale "

me : nope its not atha ammale ...OTHA ...O AS IN OASIS AND THA AS IN PASTHA ..and followed by ummale and not ammale like UM AS IN GUM AND ALLEY AS IN ALLEY ..now try..

she : watha ummale ( trying to get an english accent to it ...Why are we so obsessed with the slang...at least leave these feel good tamil words alone ...)

me : not bad...but try getting the slang out of it

she : waatha...cha ..wootha ...nope ...otha ummaleyyyyyyyyyyy...hurray I got it

me : perfect...great now that you have pronounced it right I guess its time you start using...

and before I could really complete the sentence an auto wallah took a sudden left leaving me ramming my brakes just to miss the auto by a few inches ...

"OTHA UMMALEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY" , I HEARD SOMEONE SHOUT ....

Well , it didn't come from the auto driver ....Yup , it was the voice of a girl and it came right from behind me ...the student had perfected the art...

"Adi paavi" , I shouted

Before the auto driver could come out from the shock ( well , it was not just the auto driver alone ,add to it the entire crowd waiting for the bus ,the curious onlookers from inside the auto who were peeping their heads out to see who the contemporary revolutionary was , the shell shocked adjacent bikers, and of course ME ...) and start of with his string of venom , I just raised my throttle to its maximum ,thanking Honda motors for the pick up...vrooom I raced....5 minutes later there we were laughing our hearts out in some unknown road at some unknown place in the city with just a lonely laundry wallah at the corner to give us company...What an experience

Well , what fun it was...We just couldn't stop laughing ... to put it in a better way watha ummale what fun we were having....those were the days when there was no work pressure , no mba dreams , no deadlines , no gds , no p.i 's , no recession ( probably I would not even have bothered knowing what it was then ) ...those were the days when I had no money but still lots of fun , life 's only worry was where to go out the next day. How I wish i could get those days back

Sorry i just got carried away....the giggles continued and lost amidst them were all worries about the world , the impending semester exams , guys hitting on my gal , worries about what if her parents were to say "EVA ,NAMMA AVA ELLAI" , and the scary option of getting caught by the MAMA as I could see my speedometer needle wavering across the 100 mark....

I think 10 minutes was too long a time for her brains to have stop working , and as my fate would have it , her brains again started working and the inevitable question had come
"What is OTHA UMMALLEY ??????????????????????"

(To be continued )
(http://coffee-with-life.blogspot.com/2009/03/it-was-ten-minutes-to-12.html )

Watha ummaley (continued)

It was ten minutes to 12 .The soft rustling sound from the trees mystically combined with the silence of the darkness producing a rather strange sense of tranquility . With the fading street lamps far across the horizon and the beautiful moon peeping out through the veils of the clouds , there I was lying on top of the tank on my terrace. The trees swayed sending a whiff of cool breeze across my face. Felt like heaven . there is something special with darkness . Though it has always been associated with negativity I believe its just an illusion . Darkness is beautiful .It does something special to you that you begin to wonder how the most romanticized sunny day has robbed people of the ecstatic pleasures hidden in the darkness of the night.The so called eeriness crawls through your spine giving you a strange chillness but however even that adds to the grandiose of the night .With the silence getting more and more profound , it was just me and the starry sky enveloping all around me getting to enjoy all of these.

" Wish you were here.....
.....so you think you could tell
heaven from hell " ....floyd was mesmerizing me, coming to life through the earphones of my W810.

These guys are the gods when it comes to playing these psychedelic rock . Call it mesmerism or the strange art of losing your senses , but still there somewhere between the conscious and the subconscious ...the music continues ...and you slowly transcend to another world, a world just known to you ...with each and every chord stuck , the higher you go , whoaaaaa maybe I dont know the wright brothers or can neither afford MR Mallyas kingfisher but with floyd playing at their best , I was flying ....It felt so light , my mind was empty , a soothing feel throughout each and every part of my body ... 'wish you were here ' it continued.........

What a day it had been . I was just recollecting each and every moment when suddenly the question popped out "WHAT IS OTHA UMMALE ". Well , on any other day this question would not even have got a first thought leave alone pondering over it and i would have simply said it means motherfucker . But today I was in a different plane or atleast that was how I convinced myself . maybe there is more to it ...

"OTHA UMMALEY " . Its a statement . Its a way of life ...

10th jan , 2000

Taking a deep breath , there I was standing with must be a lot more than a bucket of sweat on my face .Accompanying me were the equally tensed faces of 2o more guys and a equally or must be more tensed goalkeeper . It was the penalty shoot out and getting the ball across the goal would not just mean a victory ,it would end the pathetic consecutive losses that our team had faced against the seniors . This was the closest we ever came to winning thanks to the injury of their best player and we knew we never might get to see this day again. Phew ,that was a lot of pressure . there were no cups to be won but it was the feeling of walking across the field with your heads high . It was about that OTHA UMMALE feel ..
"OTHA UMMALE ,I am going to do it " , I told myself.

The whistle blew and I started of slowly towards the ball gaining momentum in each and every stride and "whoof" the ball glided with my foot brushing against it. for the next few microseconds every heart had stopped beating .The goalkeeper swung across his right side stretching his hand to the maximum .
"yaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" the thunderous sound broke the silence of the field and before I could realise what was happening I was lifted into the air by a bunch of my team mates and whoa we had won it . OTHA UMMALE we had done it . OTHA UMMALE to the seniors . What an OTHA UMMALE feel.."OTHA UMALEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" we shouted in unison.....

17th august , 2005

" Macha , I proposed to her yesterday. I dont know how I had the guts to do it. But somehow I told her da . And you know what . She had been waiting for me to tell her this . She knew all this before ...ooooo....She said ok machan.whoaaaaaaa"

These words would mean nothing for anyone except for the fact that it had changed the lives of two people . To one it brought the start of a new life and to one it brought the end........


And the one to whom these words brought the end was none other than me . It still hurts even to type those words . How could she do it??? but why?? and what about all those moments we spent together ??? but didnt she say she likes me ??? is everything a lie ??? ...there were only unanswered questions . And for a few seconds it felt dizzy , like falling through a deep chasm and strangely I never seemed to hit the bottom . Something was pulling at my heart . Seemed like it was getting heavier with each passing minute . It was something I had never experienced before and would pray to gods though I am an atheist that no one should ever get to experience that . In plain simple words it was pain..pain and more pain . The entire world came to a stand still . the pain was just increasing proportionately with the time . Though I used to be a critic of all those dumb poets who equated the loss of a loving one to the pain of death , for once when it comes to experiencing that yourself even death seemed to an understatement.
I kept walking . I didnt know where I was going .
otha ummaley it hurts ....otha ummaley entha ponnungaley eppadi thaan ....
otha ummaley gimme the strength to keep going....
"otha ummaleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy "I kept mumbling closing my eyes and looking up at the open sky wishing for the pain to transcend up somewhere out of my reach ....These words meant the entire life to me at that moment .


JAN 19th , 2006.

It was just another usual day with no clue or foresight about the same day going to be the greatest day in my life. The clock struck 8 indicating that I had just whiled away yet another hour in my life .Anyway it doesnt matter. I am not that stingy with time . Bored to death I switched on my computer with MR BILL GATES'S invention taking yet another few minutes from my life .

"KATHAL SEITHAL PAVAM " suddenly a voice interrupted . Nothing to worry it was my k750i ringing . "Oh god ...Who is this? " I exclaimed struggling hard to get my seat off the sofa seat . It was an unknown number . Must be the vodaphone guys or the usual "Is it kabeer basha beef stall???" wrong no. With so many permutations and combinations on who the one was I took the phone and said "hello". There was no response from the other end . Hello I said again. After a few seconds of silence a girl's voice said 'Hi , do you remember me??' . Wouldn't I? How could I forget that voice ? the voice that had made my world go around and had made me crazy . Two years had passed , but the memories were still fresh. Watha ummale she is back .Watha ummale my life is back ....watha ummmmmmmmmaleeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

A month later , there we were sitting at the premier of the movie "the emily rose"(you obviously know the reason why I chose a horror flick) at the cornermost seat in satyam cinemas .Add to it the ingredients like her tight grip which used to border between pain and pleasure depending on the intensity of the horror scene , the popcorns and cold coffees which filled the gaps if any when we didnt speak , and the giggles for which no one including us would be able to give an explanation." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa "sreamed the speakers . "aahhhh" (the different and softer one )sounded through my brains as she gripped my hands . watha ummaley life is really funny ...Watha ummaley ,the one whom I lost is back with me . Watha ummmmmaaaaaaaaaleyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

Well watha ummaley ....What does it mean exactly ??? For me its a way of life . Its an atitude towards life . Be it the sorrow , victory , happiness , joy ,ecstacy , pain or whatever be the emotions "watha ummaley" captures the essence of every emotion . Well its a word which you would hear across each and every street of chennai , used in various contexts . I think it brings out the quintessential local flavour of chennai bringing in a deep philosophical context with it . Watha ummale is what you are feeling right now .Its about what you want to be . Its about your dreams .Its about our strength to bounce back each and every time we fall.....

watha ummale to our dreams !!!

Watha Ummale to our success !!!

Watha Ummale to our failure !!!

Watha Ummale to our joy!!!

Watha Ummale to our pain !!!

Watha Ummale to our life !!!!!

Watha Ummmmmmaleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!

When do I ever get to shit !!!!!

You must be wondering 'What a weird and disgusting title ??'...and in case you thought it's going to be about my hour long struggles in the bathroom ...Oops...I m sorry...You guessed it wrong...


It was yet another normal boring Sunday evening , with nothing useful to do .Sitting in the century old rocking chair ( I bet they would have been a boon to the horror genre of Indian cinema) I was whiling away my time watching the people across the streets ...A small pani puri pavement shop , hordes of young guys surrounding it , "Anna , one more " you could hear them shout , an old lady with a 6 year old child who was all set to scurry across the road if not for the tight grip of her nanny on his hand , a beggar searching through the hordes of junk to find if there was something remotely edible to be found , the colorful young girls coming out of the tuition center with a smile and hugging a notebook , the 60+ walkers with fancy nighties and nike shoes huffing and panting with each step, and of course how could I forget the most integral members of my area , yup ,the 'theru naays'-the street dogs who were having fun playing their version of hide and seek with the innocent walkers ...what a visual delight...sometimes even the most mundane of activities seem interesting.
With such an idyllic setting drifting to my past was inevitable ...of course the tortoise coil was zooming in and out....

2007 , Jan 19th ....

At the corner of the room , I was resting against the pillow , listening to Mr A.R , thinking about someone special...Yes , I was in love ...Those phone calls which kept on prolonging though we promised it would be the last minute coz the bill was increasing , those secret letters , the moments spent just getting lost in her eyes , those cute nick names , the pleasure that u get on seeing her photo after taking it out from the hidden place which even the fbi would not have imagined in their wildest dreams, the days when the astrologer in you wakes just to give you a reason to hold her hands and say " You are going to settle with an aminjikarai local...you will have two kids ...blah blah...but ...but... finally you will be very happy" , those travels across the chennai traffic just to get a glimpse of her standing besides the window to wave a tata, the birthday surprises , those cute little gifts for which you spend an entire day just to make sure its not anything short of "FOR THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON OF YOUR LIFE" , those fights which you pray will end soon , those cozy couple seats at satyam , the cold coffees , the walk across the beach holding hands , the bike rides with steep bends across each turn, the heavenly bumpers and potholes of chennai roads (kudos to the Indian government for without them these journeys would have lost their sensuous appeal) , the scary movies which has the weirdest of sounds at every odd moment giving her a reason to hold on to me tightly while I relish the moment trying to bring out the man in me and say " Small gal...when compared to the horror flicks that I have seen these kinda horror movies actually make me laugh...lol "( thank god she didn't see my legs shivering ...building strong ana basement weaku ) ........Well it was heaven ....Too good to be true .....How I wished life were to just stay there and never move at all..But all good things come to an end ...And very true even this one didnt last long with work , location , higher studies and every other possible thing taking its toll on us...it was just temporary bliss ....just like how you feel when you fart...for the moment it feels great but however the uneasiness sets again....

Well ,I just had a fart but when do I get to shit.......

2006 , June 4th

Hordes of different faces carrying the same expression -anxiousness or nervousness whatever you like to call it...people were swarming around the entire campus carrying rs aggarwal and every other fancy title which has the word "quant" in it .. Seeing such a huge number of people in formals were a rare sight , especially in my college where dress code was the last thing we needed to be bothered about. Well if you still haven't guessed , it was the first day of placements and the company was TCS .

"Sir , you have got to sign the file ", requested the voice of the 20 year old dusky hottie in the office . The chair which was turned towards the other side suddenly turns towards the hottie and sitting in the chair wearing an armani suit and with legs crossed in the most stylish way , he just takes out his parker and casually signs it . He had just signed a 2 crore deal .... Well look closer ...what the fuck???? ...Ya I couldn't believe it ...I just opened my eyes wide and I saw the person sitting clearly...It was not "he" it was "me"...Yup , I was the one in the chair with the armani . "Well Shilpa , I would like you to meet me after the office at 5 ...we need to discuss a few things "...
"Sure Sir " she winked ...

thud ...something hit my head ...
"dai pannada , naan shilpa ellai naaan Ramaswamy ( useless fellow , I am not shilpa I am Ramaswamy )..the presentation is over come we have to take the aptitude test.. "......oh , holy shit ", I had been dreaming through the entire presentation..

An hour after that I was frantically clicking the answers on the screen vaguely trying to remember the options from the previous year paper as most of them were repeated .A few minutes later , the test came to an end with the SUBMIT button being clicked and the pop up message " Congrats you are selected for the interview "....Phew I was almost there....Just an interview to go.

"Motherfuckers , how long do they want us to wait .... macha I am too tensed that I am not even able to piss ...I need to get a fag " my friend shouted...It was the same story with everyone...the wait was long , in fact very long ranging from 6 hours for the luckier ones to 10 hours for the unluckier ones....

It was ten minutes past 12 , when the hr guy came to mike and requested us to assemble there..."Sorry for making you people wait...blah blah...( cut the crap...my head is gonna burst )
and the list of selected candidates are .....ram....rekha.................blah........blah (when is my name gonna come)....arun kumar r ....ya I heard it clearly ...oooooooooooo...I have been selected...no more eee ...no more respect to the poor staffs who were going to handle our last semster .. goodbye to R S AGGARWAL...ha ha...IF EVER THERE WAS GOD THEN THATS ME .........

well , maybe I really would meet Shilpa after the work...lol

A year and a half later ,
"hum , kissi gali jaa rahe hain " , atif was singing in the background...There I was wandering across the streets of Kolkatta trying desperately to find a home which would help me escape from the boredom of bench life and the "dont worry you will get a project" consolation from the pathetic HR's...It was three months and I was still in bench...

and , Shilpa had left a lot earlier ..........( a year back just after my dream had ended)

Well i realised that the feeling that I got when I got placed was just a fart..the uneasiness had set in again....

I just had a fart but when do I ever get to shit.......

In life there are lot of moments which are wonderful , and you yearn to relive those moments . The perceptions do tend to change..What was supposed to be your dream job might just turn out to be your worst nightmare , what was supposed to be days spent with your sweety-pie might just about dissapear with work taking its toll on both..and the list is endless..but however these moments are always fresh and tend to live forever in our hearts ...and the most important thing is to savor the moment for what it has to offer at that point of time...you get to fart ... There are lot of moments that life offers, teaching us the ecstasy of joy and the pains of suffering... and truly when do we get to shit rather than fart ....I guess its when we learn to realize that life is going to be full of ups and downs , learn to live for the moment and enjoy the highs and lows taking all of it in a stride along the beautiful journey called life...Well maybe, one day I will truly be able to relish life irrespective of what it has to offer...

And maybe I get to shit too...............

ROCK ON !!!!!!

"Are you guys ready to join me " echoed the voice through the jam packed auditorium- a la Farhan Akhtar style .........

"Yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" came the chorus from the 1 lakh plus crowd . People stoned , with long long hair that you can hardly differentiate a gal from a guy ,the scent of opium pervading through the air and a array of dazzling lights skimming through the crowd . In case u still haven't guessed it . These guys had come to watch the greatest rock show on earth .There was hardly any space to stand but still these guys weren't bothered for they had come to watch their favorite band perform . They loved the guitarist and kept shouting "Arun !! Arun!!! Arun!!! " ...Ya u heard it right...that was me...standing at the center with torn banyan , and a low waist levis which was low enough to show that i wore a branded underwear and high enough to hide my BIGGEST asset...and hanging across my shoulders was the masterpiece... my fingers started to glide through the strings ....the crowd cheers in unison...They were getting ready for the biggest day of their lives..

"We love you Arun " I hear a group of gals shouting....'Please marry me' said the banners ....but there was nothing that would come between me and my music...The fingers start to play the magic ...The music was magical...The crowd went beserk with headbanging drunkards , dusky sluts enjoying their dose of nirvana...They had never heard someone play like this...They were enjoying ecstacy ...Well music is just like sex....You never get enough...and there I was shouting "Do ya want more " ....What followed was a "Yeaaahhhh" that would have even made you pass off a thunderbolt as a mosquito buzz.....And now i decided to do my favorite act...any of my fan reading this would have guessed it by now ...I just roared at the crowd , came running towards them and took of my banyan ....The roar had got even louder...The gals were going mad...and with a style of a pro I just swished it over my head and threw it towards the crowd...

'Thud' it had landed...it was the familiar bad smell...my eyes opened just about to realize it was covered with my blue jockey underwear..."Idiot , bloody how many times do I have to tell you to put this on the washing machine and not on the study table" a familiar voice growled...The party had ended...and the crowd had left...the gals who were drooling had just vanished..."Arun , please marry me" banners were not there....Well , my blue jockey had spoiled the party....I woke up from the bed realizing that it was 7.45 a.m. "Oh fuck" I had missed the college bus...

Half an hour later there I was standing with a flower basket's 'sticking out ' bamboo poking my butt....."Could u please move "......"Adjust and stand.....! @@#$ , @%*#@ ( censored ) ..As if you own this bus " came the reply from the Pookaari ( a flower seller in tamil ). And add to that the sweet smell that from the arm pits , the conductor who tries to sqeeze through a cm gap just to find his paunch obstructing , malli poo ladies who talk just about anything except something reasonable, people who listen to a suryan fm on a twenty buck radio and shake their heads as if they are at a rock concert...Well bus journeys have a flavor of their own. .

Admist all this I had decided that what if I really were to become a rock star. I guess music was where I was meant to be. I needed to follow my heart and perhaps this was what I wanted all my life but was struggling to find out...This was my calling and no matter what I am going to pursue it ...Whoaaaaaa...felt great...Yes I had decided ...I was going to join a guitar class ...

I spent a whole week trying to find people who could teach me guitar...but no luck...finally found a place but it was too far . And two weeks passed by and I found a newspaper ad about guitar classes...I enquired but however it was too heavy for my pocket...But I aint givin it up that soon... A month passed by and I was just roaming around my locality , as usual on the lookout for some decent looking ...hmmmm you guessed it right...Ya it was the time when the schools and the colleges ended.. Just as always it was hordes and hordes of bad ones ...or maybe badder ones ...but nothin else...dissapointed I just took a u turn and drove up a new road...and guess what I saw

GUITAR CLASSES TAUGHT HERE ...CONTACT 9327643739

EUREKA !!! I had found it...I was in my locality and voila what a way to discover "...I was about to go inside and enquire but however I got a call from my mom asking me to pick her up...As all indian kids do, I gave into mother sentiment...Anyway I could call the no...Phew, finally I was all set to become a guitar pro . It was 8 pm in the night... The no was in front of me and so was the image of me in the banyan , the levis ( yup , the one which flaunts my jockey) and the guitar baby lying in my arms ..I was getting nervous .. The day had finally come...Everything needs just a beginning...and here was mine...Phew , felt great. I looked at the no again... 9327643739... I picked my phone and with trembling hands I pressed 9...3....2...The excitement was increasing...The moment was about to come...I was going to speak with the "Guru of the greatest guitarist in the future "...the remaining numbers followed ...7...6...43739...it was ringing...and with every ring my heart skipped a beat ...

"Hello " a voice said at the other end...It seemed to be of an old lady..."Mam" trying to be as respectful as possible "do u have guitar classes at your place..."....I was waiting with bated breath . "THAMBI... GUITARNNU ENGA YAARUM ELLAI PA " ( there is no one by the name guitar here ) ....

Damaaaaaalllllllll......aaaaaaaaaahhhhh.....I heard it...The blast was clear...and it was near ...It was my heart...damaaaaaalllllll...and again it went.......the damage was done.........

Well thats how it all ends...
and thats how the world lost a guitar pro...

Phew....ROCK ON !!!!!!