Coffee with life

Big Problem Machi !!!

2010-06-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

The pointed tip of the dark lead traced the trajectory of a straight line, suddenly took a sharp turn and then slowly curved along to form an oval . It paused for a second and the same ritual followed .....

Lets zoom out a bit. Two tiny fingers struggled to hold the gigantic nataraj pencil while continuing the ritual of carving the cursory form of letter 'A'.

Lets zoom out a bit more . A curly haired, little boy wearing a garish red shirt sat across the floor deeply engrossed in perfecting the art of cursive writing . Boss , Can you zoom in a bit ..Holy shit..Thats me out there ..20 years back on this same day , same time , there I sat struggling to make my quivering fingers produce the perfect A . And I swore for the first time in my life cursing the 'miss' who had given me homework , cursing the big pencil which I couldnt hold , cursing the travails of going to school everyday , cursing the pain of reciting "papa black ship have u any wul..."

"BIG Problem Machi " I thought for the first time...

A few years later ...
An internet center had opened near our school . The entire school buzzed with rumours that the 10th std A sec guys had seen something in the internet . A few days later amidst the dim lights I was gaping petrified at the small 15 inch monitor . OMG should it be so huge ..A drop of sweat fell from my forehead as realization struck . Oh no...

"Big Problem machi " I thought yet again..

A little more years later...
Arun Di Caprio stood with Sabarish Winslet ,both of us resembling the pose of a scarecrow ."Every night in my dreams I see you ..." the song echoed through the rickety bus amidst the roars of laughter from our seniors as I struggled to get the 'charanam' of the Titanic song right...The ragging sessions had begun ...

"Big Problem Machi" the same thought...

In kolkata , each and every species which can be classified under the biological tag "male" had a girl ..exceptions: Ramu , Somu,Yogi, Mama , Dinku and of course me....
Finally the day had come when men would be men and as every Ramesh and Suresh we had known had inspired us with their adventures in the discotheques , it was time we had a beginning to our adventures . And what better day than the new year . We nonchalantly threw 750 bucks at the counter and walked in with excitement ...The party had begun ...It was rocking ... What a night ...At 3 p.m in the night we all stood in a circle in the center of our living room...We looked at each other for a second and the next second we all wailed together " Aiyoo poche " (Its gone)..The wails just got louder each time we got reminded of the 750 bucks , the couples in the disc , the only 5 dumbos who danced together and atlast that look ...arghhh ..that look that they gave us...the wails got stronger..

"Big Problem machi "...

The 8-in-1-rented-home days , when we have a once in a blue moon treat and of course end up with the pride of having laid to rest a a few more sacred species of Hen and finally the next day when you wait outside the only bathroom as tears start flowing from your eyes automatically while your hands are still pounding at the bathroom door...A voice from inside shouts back " Dai , enga kooda nimmathiya erukka vida mattiya ...ennada unnaku prechana ??"
(U wont let me have peace even in here...whats your bloody problem???")

"Big Problem machi " my whimpering voice struggled to come out of my mouth...

On a rainy saturday evening , I stood there on the shores of marina as her little fingers held on to mine and we slowly walked through the gentle waves as the drizzles of the about-to-begin rain fell on us . One of the softest-drops fell across my eyelids and for a frozen moment in time the eyelids kissed themselves . And the image of me standing next to her in our wedding flashed across . With a sudden jerk , I opened my eyes . Thank God it was just a dream !!!

"Big problem machi ..." I thought again...

Those screwing exams , grueling lab sessions , placement struggles , the software industry , admission grills , interviews , the monotonous lives , the ever increasing traffic , the empty wallets , sambhar sadham , power cuts , my ever increasing body width ...

Hmmm.....Big Problem Machi !!!

And suddenly I notice I have been having this BIG PROBLEM Machi syndrome throughout my life ...Right from the time I have started to exist , there always seems to be some problem ...but strangely none of the problems I had in the past seem worthwhile now..I really wonder as to why the fuck did I ever treat them as a problem in the first case ...Most of my problems in retrospect have been moments which I cherish and laugh about the most..Be it my cursive writing ordeals , or the net center debacle or the ragging blues (I still miss those guys...they were the best seniors ever ) or my sweetheart with whom I have survived for 5 years and hope to survive a 60 more!!! or my lovable roomies with whom I have spent one of the best useless days of my life ...This point in time when I am blabbering out here again I do have my own set of problems ...and boy they do look damn serious to me...What am I supposed to do??

Well easier said than done ..Though I really have no idea on how these bloody problems would get solved or as to how in the world will these current problems turn into chershable memories ..All said , I realise one thing for sure ...we shall always have some problem or the other always .."such a pessimistic thought" I must say..But probably if we ponder a little more over the simple statement "we shall always have problems " what a refreshing perspective it brings...

If I have problems so do you . So does everyone in the world . Probably the intensities would vary ..while I have a big problem today u might have a small one , but tomo u might have that same big problem while I am left with the itsy bitsy ones..But irrespective of that if everyone one of us have problems , why should I feel sorry for myself that I am the only one whom life treats unfair..

I cant believe it took me 24 years to realise this !!! problems are just a normal part of this beautiful journey called life ...So my dear problems , I am all set to have you by my side all along the journey..but I am sorry u wont be getting the importance which u always got from me previously..rather next time u r there I would rather say "watha , vaada machan my dear problems"...

Problems have been raping me so far...
Its high time I lay back and start enjoying sex !!!!

The god of small things ...

2010-05-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Dabbling between preparing the steel sector report which I had to submit the next day and answering the highly intellectual questions from my 8th standard cousin athulya was no mean task . "An ant and an elephant went swimming. But instead of swimming together, they took turns getting into the pool. Both were never in the pool at the same time. Why?" she continued ..

As usual I put on my act of thinking by bringing in a few variations of lines across my forehead and tapping my forefingers in slow motion on my cheeks..and after a lot of frantic efforts to think I gave in and retorted with the usual "PASS"...

"They had only one pair of shorts"... The roar of laughter broke through the room , with my 5 th std brother and his gang of friends solely responsible for the 'roar' part of the laughter.

With a sheepish smile I got back to my report " Indian steel sector contributes ..." and before I could complete "Arun cheta , do you believe in god " ...

I didnt know why she asked me that all of a sudden but without a thought I replied "no"..

And what followed was a huge gasp by all the children and there were a lot of whispers and hustles . I was too busy to think and it was a spontaneous answer .

"But how can that be . Why dont you believe in god ???" she immediately asked ..

I was in no mood to give an insightful answer which would go about and bring about a profound change in the children and anyway I didnt believe even if were in the best of moods I would be doing that .
"Why do u believe in god ??" I replied without a thought continuing to type the report .

"Umm ...because he is there everywhere and he helps us......." the reasons kept coming with each and everyone adding on to the chaos ...

The clock struck 1 as I tiredly switched off the computer and waded my way across the darkness of the room with the cell phone light giving me a reason not to trample the little hands of my brother and the not so little hands of my mom hugging him tightly . A few careful steps and there I lay peacefully across my bed .

Just as thoughts across my mind were getting shutdown , one little thought creeped up ..
Does god really exist ??

An image of a man lying across the ghostly white sheets , with several pipes going in and out of various parts of his body flashed across ...those unspoken words that I heard as I stood there ...Those locked up tears which hid themselves amongst my smiles for a very long time finally had a reason to bid adieu to my eyes and landed on the strewn prayer books across the floor..Those screams and cries which strangely I seem to never hear.....and slowly his eyes closed ...the nauseating smell of medicines spread through the room as I felt a strange darkness...My eyes closed for a second and for one last time I whispered "I love you dad"...

"God doesn't exist " the inner voice overcame the pain which I felt yet again and I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off.

It was yet another sunday and my brothers gang had arrived for they had an important cricket tournament today . As usual our hall became the cricket ground and I took the responsible role of the-neighbourhood-mama-who-scolds-children-for-breaking-his-window-pane with the sole aim of protecting our TV screen and gave them stern glances and warnings to which of course no one gave a hoot ...

"Dai , pradeep ...ennada romba naala kaanom..." I asked pradeep the 4th std grandson of our neighbourhood maid . ( Pradeep , what happened to you ...you havent turned up for a long time )

"ella na ...summa thaan " he smiled ...(nothing bro , just like that )

The match had started and soon the struggle of protecting my TV screen got aggravated with the additional role of the umpire controlling the tempers of the warring cricket legends .

The day passed by and it was the evening time and as I was deciding on which biscuit to choose from , in the kitchen ..."Do you know what happened to pradeep " the familiar tone of my mom echoed ..

I lay there motionlessly across my bed staring across the twirling fan which induced strange emotions ..Pradeep's father had left his mom long back for another woman .. And she was working in a garment factory to make ends meet and make him study ..and she did manage to put him into a decent school in our locality..but soon fate had some other plans ..a guy lured her into the acting industry with a promise of giving her an acting chance in a serial..what followed was little bit of manipulation...she did get a blink-and-u-will-miss portion in a serial and along with that a few videos taken secretly to blackmail her ...
Last week she had decided to sleep for the last time but this one was on a railway track....

The question propped up "Do you believe in god ???"

The smile of young pradeep which hid the scars his heart carried flashed across...What did god find so evil in him that he wanted to take that little smile away from him..
The glimpses of the two children who were playing across the rohini signal jumping across each and every car window and spreading an orange cloth and pleading to buy flashed across...and that little smile they had which mocked at the hot afternoon sun as their sweat shone across the dust laden faces ...the small kid who taught me there is so much joy even in the simple art of selling sundal...the old abandoned lady who sipped through the 2 rs tea enjoying its warmth and comfort as I stood there watching.. the images of numerous ppl who struggle across the streets as they fight for each and every day of their lives against the street dogs , against the soaring sun, against the hunger ,against the bruises, against the feelings of being left out and at last against the us ....the us who never had the time to see them ...

Do you believe in god ??

Well , yes I do ..

But its not found in those statues . Its not found in those hilltops where people throng in herds to find him...Its not the one whom I blamed for all my troubles ...Its not the one for whom people kill each other..

Its rather right there amongst that little smile that pradeep had ... amongst that little joy which those kids across the signals had ...amongst that iota of happiness which every sale of sundal brought to the boy...amongst that little smile which signifies human spirit...that spirit to keep standing up each and every time we fall and put up that little smile...

God is really not something I cannot see ..its right there ...right across the different faces which have only one religion...the religion called "human spirit" ...a few are lucky to be smiling now...and a lot who are not so hope to do so one day or the other....Each and every one of us go through a lot of struggles . For some its comparatively easy , for some its hard , for some the pain is unbearable ...

At the end of it , this too shall pass .. and so does each of our struggle...but that little smile that we find at the end of each painful period we go through...that is where I see god...

So maybe next time before you drop a ten buck note into the coffers of a so-called-powerful-temple , probably you can feed a hungry stomach...n probably bring that little smile ..

and who knows , you might even get to have a glimpse of god too in the deal !!!

Ta..na..na

2010-05-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

My eyelids were about to kiss themselves , as the cozy sofa provided the perfect settings for a lazy sunday afternoon..ta nah nah ta na nah na na .. a thean-vanthu-payuthu-kathinile ( honey-coming-attacking-ears ) kind of soothing music slowly ventured into my ears and slowly moved through the various long-time-no-use parts of my brain and along the path it went on to trip a few nerves which brought my just-about-to-kiss eyelids to the wide-open state . The eyes traced the origin of the music to the 22 inch plasma screen across the room . It was the new tanishq ad for the wedding jewellery collection . Watch it below ...

.

Beautiful ad I thought . It was so subtle , poetic and somehow stuck a chord with me...But soon the highly anticipated kissing scene between my eyelids replaced the ad and soon I was fast asleep...

Ta..na ...na..tha..nah na nah na...

"Anushka ....good girl ...good family ...why dont you meet her???" my father hinted..

"Not Interested pa" I smirked.

"Settled in St Jose ...America " the story continued..

"Not interested " I replied nonchalantly .

"Do you have a girlfriend .."
I gave a stern glance...

"Then what marriage is a good thing ..." he was about to start again if not for the abrupt shout by my mother..

"Stop here " she shouted ..." I need to eat . You both continue . I will be back......".

Soon we were sitting inside the hotel .

"Is this the time to eat ??" my father quirked in an irritated tone.

But before the arguements could continue the waiter placed a huge chicken leg piece on my plate . The leg looked juicy and reddish hot with the aroma of the different spices fighting amongst each other to enter my nostril ."Aaahaa " I exclaimed as the smell took over to my head while the reddish brown leg piece gleamed with its reflection originating at the centre of my pupil and slowly spreading out . Then came the biriyani . The leg piece seemed to peek secretly from the midst of the biriyani rice seducing my already starved lips .

Ta..na ...na..tha..nah na nah na... the music kept playing.

I slowly took the piece by its leg and felt a vicarious tingle already ascend through the taste buds .
But suddenly the waiter realising something , asked "are you the mappilai ??" ( are you the to-be-bridegroom ??)

"Oh ...so this is the kalyana special chicken biriyani..mmm...We are not interested . leave it arun . Lets go " my mom quickly remarked and got up.

I gave a long look at the chicken piece...I got up and slowly walked out not before turning again for one last time and gave a desperate sigh . A sigh which if I had the authority to amend the English language would have added a few more 'h's and made it sighhhhhhhh to explain exactly what I felt..

A few minutes later as we steered across the traffic , I casually asked " What was the name you mentioned ???"

"Anushka......"

The same background music ...Ta..na ...na..tha..nah na nah na...

My dad got a message from my mom...

"Its been 25 years and you still don't know that our son is a theeni pandaram !!!!"

( I beg your pardon...please dont ask me to translate )

Ta..na ...na..tha..nah na nah na... Biriyani that makes you marry ...

AAArrghhhhhh ....the shout of my bro slowly echoed across just about a few windows ,a few homes ,a few trees , a few streets and finally just barely managing to reach and disturb the peaceful sleep of the stray dog lying on the last street.

I lay there across the bed innocently with my bro's arms instead of the leg piece in my mouth .
After listening patiently to the not so likely-to-be-expected-from-a-10-year-old-swearing words , I innocently asked still amidst my dreams ,

"Where is my leg piece..Am I not married , yet !!! "

Now , I know the answer ...

2010-04-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Feb 18th ,2009

Amidst the bantering of the bangle selling lady who had finally decided to take rest on the path near the door of the train's compartment , amidst the wails of the child which rubbed through its flowing nose , amidst the face of the old beggar which held those untold stories , amidst the gushing water across the tap with the gargling sound from the uncle's mouth supplementing it , I sat there on the doorstep motionlessly still with the mirage of trees , barren lands , electric wires ,transformers sketching across the endless horizon... It was yet another assignment as a part of my job and there I was on my way to Edappal , a small village in Kerela .

The same question cropped up "Why do I need to do this ??" . One question which haunted me for two years and as always the answer was the same . "My salary is getting credited day after tomorrow " the inner voice spoke . The same salary which the first time bought my mom a diamond pendant , the same salary which bought my girlfriend the gold ring , the same salary which bought me my pepe jeans , the same salary which bought me cold cofees at coffee day ....

but there was one little insignificant thing which it never bought me ....

Happiness....

A lot of such train journeys had passed before I finally had the guts to call it quits and finally follow my heart ...Its been a year . Have things changed . Have I learnt something . Have I really earned my smile....

July 10th , 2009

A new life had begun . The grinds and grills of an MBA had begun , the assignments had begun , the presentations had begun , the screwing ups had begun ,the friendships had begun , the dreams had begun , the journey had begun .... As all these began , there was this sudden excitement towards which committee you had to be in . As every B School proudly says we are run for the students , by the students and of the students , it is these committees that actually do the above stated ...

Having been existing for 24 years , if there is one thing that I am completely sure of me - its the fact that I can easily beat anyone to the top of Forbes worlds most laziest people list .

So obviously to join no committees was my first motto but as fate had to play its role (I reserve that story for some other time) somehow I ended up in one of the committees - placom (the placement committee).

The entire batch after those mind boggling classes had a sigh of relief as they sipped through the hot coffee , guffawing and rambling about the various rumors and grape wines of the college . At one lonely corner of the college , "Mam , this is arun calling from....can we get an appointment for a corporate presentation for our execs placements " ..The calling had begun for fixing appointments for making presentations the next month to corporates (yup the same place from which I had come )..One month had gone by and so did lot of coffees and interseting gossips .I was missing all the fun and somewhere deep inside it didnt feel great... The planning had begun for the presentation at delhi ( I was in the delhi team !!) , the brochures , the cds , the list of companies , addresses , hr nos , train tickets , stay ...the list went on...

Soon I was walking across the streets of delhi , trying to find out where the offices of the companies were situated . As always I ended up walking several miles, thanks to my 'ek gaon mein ek kissan ' hindi speaking skills .This became a routine as the mornings were filled with work and the evenings were filled with bird-watching sessions and tandoori chicken . With a hectic one week all the presentations were made .

And then finally came the DAY ..The first company was coming to campus the next day . Its 2 P.m in the night as I took the final printout of the resumes of the students who had applied . And At 2.30 p.m I went to the guest house to welcome the recruiters to the campus( they had a delay in their travel..a pretty loooong one ...phew) and showed them around their rooms and finally went back to my room at 3 P.M . Just when i thought I had just slept , a call woke me up "Arun , what would they be needing for breakfast " . The clock needle seemed to quiver around the number 6 as I woke up and soon I was running across in my blazer accompanying the recruiters for the breakfast . The process had begun . There were several last minute corrections in the resume , several queries ,and several anxious faces ...

The day went on and on and slowly the filtering was done with the final 10 ready to enter the interviews. The clock showed 11.30 p.m as the final candidate went in .. I stood there outside with my knees starting to ache and my tired eyelids desperately wanting to kiss each other...

The same old question dawned "Why do I need to do this ?"

But before I could really think the door threw open and the last candidate was out . Soon I went inside after a 10 minute hiatus . The HR's seemed to be in a very serious discussion and finally the gave me the names . Two of them had been selected . Quickly I dialled their nos and said " Hey , congrats you are selected "....

And that one single moment that followed . I will never ever forget. ...that strange inexplicable feeling ...that little flutter across my heart ...that subtle joy ..that final taste of that little thing which money never bought me ...that little thing called Satisfaction... .I guess the guy on the other line said thanks but I don't remember . And it didn't matter . In a few minutes I could see shouts of joy "machan I made it " ,clenched hands punching the skies with ecstasy , smiling faces reaching out to their near and dear ones sharing their joy .

At one silent corner ,as I watched all these the question cropped "Why do I need to do this ?"

A few meters away from me I saw that joy on his face . That smile of conquering everything .That joyous voice over the phones shouting "ma ., I am placed " . That expression which spoke of victory and that some thing which I will never be able to explain.

And a silent voice within me spoke " This is why you need to do this !!!"

Months of hard work ,those missed coffees , those cribbings, those from-where-the-hell-do-they-crop-up problems ,those never ending planning , all those pains which went to it , my aching knees ....None of these mattered....

I slowly dropped into my bed .. I smiled ....

April 15th , 2010

The year had ended . I stood there near the door of my train compartment on my way back to Chennai from Trichy. There were times when I worked for money . And now these are times when I work for free , and I bet on my life that sometimes I have worked much more than what I actually did when I was paid . And honestly it feels great . To know that you worked , not for money , not for your personal gains but in order to bring that little smile on someones face .

And now I realize the problem was not my job but....

the person for whom I worked ...money..

I gave a smile as the winds brushed through my face and ruffled hair .

The same question but.....

Now I knew the answer ....

I kept smiling ...

Sometimes these simple experiences go on to teach us the biggest lessons in our lives...U keep searching for that 'something' everywhere and all of a sudden it just comes so unexpectedly , just like that chill breeze on a hot summer afternoon , nothing dramatic , nothing mind blowing ,but just hidden amongst the casual yet-another-day-of -life....So lets stop complaining and start relishing these simple experiences for what they have to offer and do our small part to bring that little smile back into people's lives...

Smile ...come what may !!!!

Last-ing moments !!!!

2010-02-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

The First love ,the first kiss ,the first job , the first paycheque ....there is always a lot of nostalgia and feelings attached to those "first"s in everything .

But however we strangely seem to have forgotten about the last drop of petrol which miraculously saw you through till the nearest petrol bunk , the last one rupee in your pocket which got you the rasna which you savored all along your way back from school ,The last glimpse at your friends answer sheet which you got you that 1 mark which passed you , the joy of watching the seconds hand cover the last minute of the most boring lecture , the last iota of vision before your eyelids close themselves to the mystical chants caled lectures , the last day at the job you hated the most ,the last drop of the chocolate milkshake which dances across the rim of the glass before it lands on your lips , that last time you saw that beautiful stranger who gave that little smile which made you gasp "Wow !! I am in love " , the last time you held her hands before the train left , the last drop of tears which fell across her pink cheeks as the train kept moving as I stood there still watching her dissapear , the last time my father smiled at me , the last time you met your college gang , the last phone call which eventually continued for 4 years and still continues , the last 50 paise balance which just lasted as you spoke the words "oye , I miss u..." ,the last milestone which said chennai 2 Km as I drove the last lap of my 350KM ride from trichy to chennai , The last time someone came and told you "Hey you are looking awesome "(Though seriously ,I doubt whether there was a "first" time this happened leave alone the "last"), The last walk across my college corridor , the last Photograph which had all of us together ...hmmm

Well , irrespective of whether they are the "firsts" or the "lasts" there is always the joy and longing whenever we get reminded of these . We all have our own stories where these "lasts" did matter .And unfortunately these lasts never got their due so I just decided to take some time to recollect mine as I suddenly remembered its a long time since I LAST wrote my blog .. And no wonder these were truly last-ing moments !!!!

Now its time for you guys to cherish your "last"ing moments , and while you do that I shall make a move ...and as always

Do Keep smiling , come what may ...

Musings of an idle mind ...

2009-12-22T07:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes even the most humiliating questions lead to the most enlightening moments of your life . It was a long day . A very long one to be precise as I sat there waiting on a dust laden bench in pune railway station with a please-gimme-atleast-one-biscuit longing dog staring at me as I finished the last 'good day' biscuit . Well , the biscuits name strangely seemed to be mocking at me as I got reminded of the day ....

It was yet another interview , yet another pursuit for the MBA madness..Unfortunately , these gentlemen in the panel were interested in what I learnt in engineering( However I appreciate the thought !!! feels nice ) ... I struggled to remember a few basic theorems he had asked in electrical engineering (5 years is a really looong time...And phew ,what a eureka moment to realise that ) and of course later followed by a How-does-it-work question with his fingers pointing out to any object remotely connected to electricity in the room or rather was kept near an electrical plug point . I stared at him , with an inner voice replyin 'boss I am not your I-read-daily-lessons and an-electrical-engineer-is-what-I-always-wanted-to-be kinda guy , I am a normal , yet another part of the humble race of ppl who open their books a day before the exams , curse the author , drink the magic potion "tea" to stand against the travails of a closing eyelid and finally at the end of it all find the true joy in life when they see the P- for pass in their results"....Not even the such- deep-indepth knowledge ( ahem...ahem...) that I gained during my insightful engineering years came to my help , as the two years of life as a software professional had robbed me of the remaining so-called-electrical-knowledge .

"Kripya , dhyan dijiye " an abrupt voice ended my flashback . I flexed my muscles and lifted the huge bag that I had containing a shirt , a pant and my underwear . The girls stood there wowed at my ability to lift such a huge bag with such an ease . Or so I thought as the only other specimen whom I had previously introduced to you "the dog " ...yup the same one which was after my good day biscuit gave a bark which said "you better get lost before I ....(censored) "..

Thus with such a nice farewell I boarded the train and soon after was lying on the top berth enjoyin the little wafts of air which these old fans strangely still seem to produce .

Somewhere deep inside I was feeling a little bad for screwing the interview . And the question dawned " So what exactly was engineering all about if it was not for the circuits , motors or whatever ????

And slowly I drifted away ...

Those increasing ‘lub-dub’ sounds of my heart when I bunked a class for the first time in my life , those “macha , quick da ...the watchman might see us “ shouts as I crawled beneath the fence which was neatly cut by some kind hearted senior just enough for me to pass excluding my tummy , and after a 5 minute extreme-yoga-inhaling session I managed to pass through but unfortunately my jeans bore a small hole which would go on to become the only remains of the history of adventurous bunkings that followed , and those long journeys back to the city to watch ‘our kinda’ movies ....Those “wowwwwww.......” exasperation as we stood in the middle of satyam theatre gaping at mallika sherawat scorching the screens in Murder ,those few shouts that followed from behind which meant we better find our seats else the name of the movie might not just remain a coincidence ...Those gossips which went about the college as to who was with whom , and what did x do with y while z went on with q ....soon the gossip section at the end of the four years stood like – ABCDEFG ...XYZ and you just had to keep rearranging them ...those laments about ‘wont we ever get a girl friend ‘ ...those 5 minute glances at unknown faces and those 1 in a million probability where they get returned ....those classes which taught you the art of sleeping with eyes wide open , those gruelling lab sessions , record writing and finally those vivas where you learn the philosophy ‘when a rape is inevitable , its better to lie back and enjoy “ ...Those lovely friendships which you make ...a few which last ...a few which don’t ...the joy of discovering the chillness of the sea in a late evening at marina , those days when I felt why couldn’t life just stay like this as I blew the smoke from the lemon flavoured hookah ...the smoke that made everything around hazy , unclear but yet a sense of inner peace somehow strangely seemed to be there as the world that I had always known disappeared ... the juice shop at nungambakkam which provided the perfect inspiration to all our life’s useless philosophies on girls , beer ,bikes and porn...those cremation ceremonies for many a chicken at our own Loyola fast food ...those placement blues ...those gre,cat madness ...those football matches which took us through an entire year....Those love affairs , those fights , those disappointments , those failures ...Those inevitable fightbacks against life , just barely managing to stand after a lots of falls... Those once- in- a -blue -moon good scores ...and those......

Oops , I have reached Chennai and thanks to the benevolent soul who shook me up and ended the ‘happy-days’ movie of my life...

I slowly woke up as the answer dawned

So what exactly was engineering all about if it was not for the circuits , motors or whatever ????

“Two days with a 100 bucks second hand bakshi textbook from the moore market , and I would have answered each and every “how does this crap work “ questions.....But those lovely memories and moments of these 4 years ...hmmmm... College wasn't just about the motors ,the circuits ,the labs , thesemester exams ,the placements ....Its was about something else

It was about life....

And boy , I did live mine !!!!

A cup of life

2009-12-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

Its been a really long time since my last post . Thanks to my assignments , presentations , ever increasing sleep hours and alas finally here I am back again as always at my useless best....

Yet another wonderful day started off as I woke up at 9.30 a.m realising that I was a tad bit too late for my research methodology class which was at 8.45 (thanks for that , it was a wonderful day indeed )...Half asleep I monotonously took 'the hindu' as always cursing the dry contents for I missed the masala of Times of India . Something familiar caught my eyes . "CAT 2009 debacle ".....

Aaha ...not that I was remotely bothered by CAT 2009 but however the word cat was good enough to bring back good old memories of the MBA madness phase which I once went through ...those mock cats , those dreams about IIM which I had while I was teaching bankers how to select using the mouse (a part of my wrk ...ahem ahem...Of course I am an ever proud software engineer ) ,those endless application forms , CAT , NMAT, SNAP , XAT ....and those heart stopping moments before each and every results ......those unusual self-thy-named-invented diseases that I get a week before each and every GD call, for an off from work ..a loving boss who eventually forgot me in due course of time .... those 5 minute friendships before GD's ..."hey , I saw u at XYZ interview right " cliches ...those shouts across the gd hall as to why INDIAN economy was better than the Chinese...those why MBA questions...those oscar winning dialogues on how MBA was my calling and why ALWAYS I wanted to do an MBA ...those presentations blaring we r so and so ...those final converts ...those advising grandpas , mamis , mamas ..those "machan watha naan school poren ....ooooooooo...B SCHOOL " a la james bond style punch dialog...those obvious spits which followed the dialog...

and atlast a few dreams which shall always remain as dreams .......

I smiled ....

Kept smiling as I realised I had missed the second hour of the lecture too as the clock screamed 10 a.m....

But honestly , I didnt mind

I fell on my cot , pulled the bedsheet across my face and zzzzzzzz.....

A day well spent I thought as I slowly dozed off sincerely wishing I would be awake for the afternoon class....

As always few memories are worth recollecting...somewhere it makes you feel good and laugh at all those silly , stupid things we have done ..We might have really been worried about those so called mistakes we made that time ...But now , all thats history and gets stored under the "moments to smile " folder in your heart...so lets make mistakes , not be too harsh on ourselves , smile across each and every situation and take life as it comes with "Watha ...I love you , my dear life "(wish it was a wife instead !!!) attitude . Irrespective of the end , the journeys are always the best part . I know not everyone must be having the best times of their lives ...But its just a matter of time before things get back to being great and who knows the current situation might just be the one which would provide you with those evergreen amusing memories for ur entire life...

So no matter how much life screws you, do keep smiling and enjoy life...

A little bit of vodka and life....

2009-11-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

"Macha , cheers da ....watha this is the most happiest day of my life " I shouted oblivious of the poor street dog which had an abrupt end to its sleep . The shouts slowly travelled through those empty streets of kolkatta , across those trees which kept dancing to the tunes of the wind , through the moisture laden yet-to-blossom-flowers , across the water filled potholes , across those tired people getting back home with the id card which held the stories of dreams lost and untold.....

Giving me company along with the vodka bottle were three other dissillusioned souls .
shankar - a lead guitarist of a wannabe band from chennai ,
Parthiban - yet another unfortunate mechanical engineer ,
Selva - a wannabe politician and
me - an electrical engineer who knew nothing about current ,circuits ...

We all had one thing in common other than the single bottle of vodka ...

All of us were software engineers ....

Yup , we belonged to the elite lot who were paid in lakhs , had plush offices , spent like crazy and so on.......

Or thats what I dreamt 2 years back ...I still remember the wait across the crowded hall where the names where spelt out ...arun kumar r ......watha ....yeahhhhhhh....I stood there with my hands spread as the joyous shouts echoed throughout the hall....and that window seat on the bus where I struggled to convey to my mom those golden words " Ma , I am placed........"

Yet another glass of vodka went in as I got reminded of today's afternoon where I gave back my swipecard as it was my last day at office . And honestly , I have never felt better...

Money was good ...It bought me everything except for that something....that something which could remove that emptiness...that something which I would do just for the love of doing it...that something which would let me follow my heart ...

Now as I get ready for the new journey in search of that 'something', I see the longingness , those lost dreams, the pain in those eyes ....Those eyes which belonged to me a few days back, those eyes which will belong to thousand of more recruits who will keep swarming in.... And somewhere deep inside I know it wouldnt be long before my master 'money' catches up with me and the compromises would again happen...

But till then I have the chance to script my own story ....I finally get a chance to live not for what the society thinks I should be , what my friends think I should be ,what my family thinks I should be but for.....what I think ,I should be.

And as a humble beginning to this so called new self-discovery , this blog holds a special place ...coz it gave me the courage to do something just for the love of it ....and all those who took the pain to read through my posts and those sweet ppl who commented on my blog , I am forever indebted to you ppl for you unknowingly convinced an average-not-so-good wannabe writer within me to believe in his dreams...and everytime I read those random out-of-blue praises it feels like heaven ...

As the final sip of vodka goes in , I fall back...

Its time to start dreaming ...

From me to you ...

2009-10-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

Thousands of kutti kutti fights ...

Hundreds of misunderstandings ...
Loads of possesiveness....
A few heart shattering moments ...
A little bit of ego clashes...

That sudden thought of losing it all ...

and its been three years ...

nothing seems to have changed ..

or did it ??

We survived through everything...through every bit of the joy and the pain..through each and every struggle , blows and falls ...nursing each others wounds , growing stronger day by day , sometimes hurting each other in the process ...what started off just as yet another college love story , maybe went a bit too far was what the entire world thought ...or to be frank thats what we ourselves thought but time had its own plans and got its magic woven into our lives ...

three years is a pretty long time .Lots of things changed ...

those lovely walks along the college road .....
those lovely roadside teas...
those astrology sessions at the beach..
those days when I spent the entire day cleaning my bike just because I was supposed to go out with you the next day...
those days when the wallets were empty but the hearts were full ....
those days when I rode across 20 km just to wave a single 'hi' ...
those days when the phone bills kept raising while I always felt we never spoke enough ...
those lovely afternoons where we roamed around the streets of anna nagar in search of an abandoned puppy ...
those evenings when I held your hands wishing on the sun that set across the horizon...
those nights which taught me what missing someone really meant....

and finally along with all these ....

yet another thing changed ...

......US.....

I started chasing a career , money and a few more of things which I never could decipher...In the journey that followed I made a few sacrifices , made a few choices , made a lot of blunders...

And I thought it was always for that someone ...

for that you...

but little did I know it wasnt what you wanted ....you wanted somethin else..it was not about gettin back those walks or talks ...though from heart there isnt a day that passes where I do not wish for those moments...it was more than that ...it was about the spirit ...it was about that zest for life which we both had ...that beauty which we saw in those chill zephyrs , that cold waves which splashed across our feet and that one last phone call each night....it was about the joy of living each moment ...we really did own the world though for a very small time ...and somewhere along the way we got lost admist work pressures , CTC's , careers , onsite and what not...

But at this moment , as I sit along the low parapet walls of my terrace crisscrossing my legs and savoring the hot tea with the chill breeze giving me company thanks to the cocunut trees , there is just one thing I would like to say ...

There is just one little, insignificant thing that still hasn't changed ...

"I STILL LOVE YOU ".......

Romancing with Life ...

2009-10-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

Garishly painted walls , dim lights which find their way through the smoke filled air , blaring sounds from an old radio , broken chairs and ....

Long back at the same place...

"Watha" I slammed against the table "why the fuck did she do this to me machan ". The unusual silence greeted my anger...everyone around me kept quiet .....

Not long back ..

"machan ...she is back with me ...ummale finally machan ...can u believe it guys...she is back ...she is mine ...just mine...oooooooooooo" the ecstatic shout echoes through the small place as my clenched fist punched across the air with joy....

at sometime I dont remember ...

"Aah finally , its all over machan ...we are engineers ....we made it...no more exams ..no more labs ...no more machines ..no more circuits ...aahaaaaaaaaa feels like heaven ..."

at a time which I wish to forget

"machan I am placed in a software firm...whoaaa.....loads of money...foreign trips ..team parties ..pubbing...partying..n of course girls machan...ooooooo" I kept dreaming on the same broken chair . ( I still pity myself for all those dreams....silly me )

A few months back ,

"This IT field is killing me . I am going to do an MBA ...dont ask me why ...honestly I dont know ...But I have decided ..."I took a decision admist the hazy smoke at the same place...

exactly 4 months back ,

" I am no more a software engineer ...I am a student once again...aah ..finally back to college ..err not exactly a college but to a school ...a B school ...whatever ...watha its back to good old fun times " I kept smiling ...and of course at the same place ...

Well WTF am I coming at ...

Honestly , there is absolutely nothing philosophical coming up to interrelate all these incidents . So rest assured . There is just one little common thing .

All these took place at the same place and were followed by the same dialogue .

A dialogue which never changed though the times had changed . A dialogue which shall always remain forever irrespective of whichever stage I pass through in life . A dialogue which stood the test of time and forever etched itself in my life to become eternal .A dialogue which represented the aftermath of every emotion I went through in life - love , hate , failure , success , frustration , hope and joy .

And its time I let the world know those magical words ...

and it goes like

" ANNA .... ORU PLATE CHILLI CHICKEN THANGA !!!!!"

(bro , 1 plate chilli chicken plz )

And honestly , if it weren't for those lovely chilli chickens at our own roadside-fast-food-centers where each and every important incident of my life were either celebrated or brooded over , life would never have been the same .

Sorrows or joy , failures or success , rejection or acceptance .....all these come and go ...But make sure you dont lose out on these occasions to have the inevitable "chilli chicken". With a chicken out there on our plates we shall take a vow to believe in life , to enjoy our good times , to laugh our hearts out , to take failures in our stride , to stand back each and every time we fall , to make the best out of what life has to offer , to celebrate our freedom and at the end of it .....ummm errr .....Of course , eat the chicken on our plate ...what else !!!

This is dedicated to all those lovely souls who shared their glories and falls in life with a plate of chilli chicken at our very own street fast food centers .....

A whiff of nostalgia ...

2009-09-17T21:52:00.001-07:00

Sleepless nights ... swollen eyes.... half hearted break fasts .... 2 minute phone calls... unshaven 3 day beard .... endless ppt's and pages which keep flipping ...that inexplicable feeling you get the moment you see the question paper...That little smile that you carry thinking "Oh , thats the 3rd consecutive rape " ...three hours pass by only to hear "macha the paper was fucked up "...well , its not the paper that got fucked but ....hmm....the same old smile ....

There was not much I could do . I lay back on my cot unmidful of the papers and stationery scattered on it ...the dust laden fan sprung into action ...Hidden amongst one of the several unknown cities of India.. amongst the outskirts of trichy.. amongst the several hostel rooms.. in the one little corner of my room , I gave a deep breath as a whiff of chill breeze had still managed to find me ...The smell of moist sands filled the room as they greeted the rains ... I slowly stood up , looked through the window which let in some rays of light into the otherwise dimly lit room ...The zephyr again braced me ... I smiled . Reason ...I have no idea ...It felt special ...it felt nostalgic ...

The joy of watching the first 'kathi-kappal ' travelling through the muddy waters leaving ripples that got lost as I grew and people said you are a 'grown up'....The freedom of dancing in the rain as if no one was watching (except for my mom)....Those little kicks across the water filled potholes which left my white canvas shoe with a beautiful mixture of colors ..The colours of innocence , freedom , joy ....Those cricket matches played under the rains...Those celebrations where rain drenched T shirts hugged each other..Those rainy evenings when I cried for I loved someone more than myself ... Those days when I never let her know my tears from the rains ... Those walks in the rains when I held her hands ...those little drops which blessed her little finger and slowly fell on to mine ..Those little romances with life as I sped through the empty stretches of chennai on a rainy friday night ...those special moments which still keep lingering around somewhere in the dust laden chambers of our hearts....Those moments which keep reminding us there is still a child in us ...

I guess life is all about those special moments . Its not about the days we did something great . Its just about those days where we did simple things , but nevertheless loved doing them. Its about the days where we were 'us' ....The days when we really lived our hearts out , believed we could be whatever we wanted , had dreams , laughed our hearts out ,had wounded knees and fought back like a warrior .....

But as we grew up somehow the child in us got lost in search of the so called bigger things . We got more cynical , depressed , complained at the drop of the hat .And I am no exception .But hold on ...
Well , we still haven't lost it all. We still have a chance ...Dont we ??

And here comes my chance ...

I love the rains ...

And here I go ....whoaaaaaa

While I get drenched in the rains (probably after a very long time ) you keep discovering the child in u .

Life is always beautiful so keep smiling and keep enjoying...cheers

But , Why me ??

2009-09-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

Little did I know three months back , while I was having one of my yet-another-kumbakarna sleep in the afternoon , that soon sleep would become one of the most scarcest and sought after luxury . Thanks to my eventful entry into the 'much sought after ' B-School life. With exams taking their toll for the entire week I finally managed to get some sleep , as my eyes slowly dropped dead ,hidden amongst the pages of my marketing book . Though it wasn't intentional , nevertheless ,it was heavenly . Aah ... The good old sleep ....the good old honor of spreading your legs ,arms and enjoying the breeze of the dust laden ceiling fan , the good old cuddling and tossing around in the weirdest of positions , the good old nayanthara and preity zinta running behind me ...The good old dirty dreams ....the good old saliva drooping from the borders of my mouth finally finding its destiny in my dirty pillows ...Sometimes in life even the most simplest of things turn out to be the most enjoyable ones.

But as someone said , good things never last for too long . At some time , must be early in the morning , not sure , but since I was in the final stages of my dirty dreams it must be logically the morning ( Aaha ...I have already started applying my MBA brains ) . A shrill noise suddenly shrieked through my ears giving a strange vibration across my head ...Was it nayan or preity ...were they getting naughty ... must be ...or maybe not I realized , as I soon picked up my phone and fought for sometime trying to open my eyes to read the message ....

"Oye wife , had a great talk yesterday night..dont you want to wake me up with a coffee ....I love you so much wife ...Ummmhaaah"

sender
SIVA

WTF !!!!!!

As usual this weird friend of mine had sent the message intended for his girl friend to the poor-me .....

The clock showed 6 am . "Why this ratha veri machan" , I kept thinking ...

I slowly took my mobile ....
and typed

"watha ... A$$ H@*e "....

And thats the least I could do , before I slowly sat up looking dejectedly at my marketing book .

Good bye nayan ....Good bye my dear 'heavenly sleep '.........

Its back to study time folks ....

Will be back soon , once my midterms are over ...meanwhile you ppl keep having fun !!!!

Oye ....ever been to heaven !!!

2009-07-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

The speedometer showed a needle vibrating across the 100 kmph mark as I raced through the empty curves in ECR . The sea breeze filled with a little extra bit of moisture as there was the most-unexpected-rain in the afternoons of one of Chennai's most dreaded summer season, gave us company all along the empty landscapes bounded with hordes of pine trees on either sides alternating with the sea shores . The hoardings of the endless resorts and eat outs decorated each and every corner of ECR .

ECR is known for its speed and the breeze . Each and every time you are there its a whole new different journey . The never ending horizon with a promise of an exciting adventure , the cool zephyrs which passionately kiss you , the pumping of the heart when you drag your bike along with you in a bend, The touch and go escapades with the 'mamas' who stand with their speed guns - the stories are many ... I adjusted the rear view mirror as I caught hold of her face changing into different shapes under the impact of the wind .She was struggling to keep her hair down and at the same time hold herself on to the bike . "A bit slower , idiot ," her muffled voice mixed with the sound of the wind feebly entered my ears .

As I further accelerated my grip , her grip around me tightened . "Oye , ever been to heaven ," I shouted ... She smiled still struggling with the wind . "Well here we go " ...I bent myself almost kissing my tank . While I left the fury of the wind to take its target with full might . "Whooaaahhh" she shouted . The wind came roaring and she slowly spread out her hands as I kept the throttle at its maximum . "Ooohooooooo , I am flying " she laughed ...Her laughter echoed through the lonely stretches of ecr , across the dancing trees , through the cloudy skies and at last through the tunnels hidden deep inside my heart....... I slowly sat up . She was still laughing .

"Oye have you ever been to heaven ? " ... She came forward , bit a little bit of my right ear and whispered ""Ya , just now ...I was in heaven ". As the breeze slowly brushed my ears, the little remains of moisture in my ears evaporated under the cold winds as I slowly got mesmerized . "Ya just now ...I was in heaven " the voice kept echoing in my ears.......

And so was I .......

It just seems like yesterday....

2009-06-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

"Oye you are getting me wet," I shouted as yet another splash of water coming from her kicks across the silent sea drenched me . I kicked back sending the salty water right across her face. "Thu...thu," she started spitting , unable to withstand the salty taste . And a few seconds later both of us were trying different styles of kicks , trying to perfect the one which would help land the maximum amount of water on the other person. And the poses struck while trying these , ranging from the thakida-thaka-thimi-malayala-bhagawathi pose to the Oh-god-I-stamped-a-fresh-cowdung-pose held the attention of a lot many curious passerbys. ... .Soon I was there walking along the shores of besse , drenched like a pig , with the sandals on one hand and the two little soft fingers on the other .The bottom of the jeans which was initially folded in order to resemble the height level of the traditional Patta-patti shorts
(the one worn by Raj Kiran ) had slowly lowered itself and carried loads of wet sand along with it , thereby perfectly supplementing the slow drag of the foot along the shores . We laughed , hit each other in the softest way so as to just about qualify as a 'hit', shouted and again laughed . Honestly , I don't know why we always laugh ........

The walk neither had a place to start nor a destination , but the nomadic freedom of strolling along the shores in search of the 'nothing' ( maybe because I felt like I had everything) truly made it special . The entire screen of the skies seemed to open themselves , as the stage of the sea shore was all set to witness a little peek-a-boo into one amongst the so many simple yet beautiful moments of our lives .

The waves kept kissing our feet and as they retreated the feet got a little submerged in the sand followed by a wide scattered scampering of the crabs into their holes . This happened for a few times and soon the feet got entirely submerged . And as we took it out , the laughs continued . Those meaningless laughs which had only one reason . Love...We kept walking , as if we were the only ones on the beach having our own special moments . The breeze seemed to follow us wherever we went . The upturned dusty catamarans , the smell of bajjis , the little quiver each time a zephyr sails across the damp parts of the body , the joyous shouts of the children playing merry-go-round , the footprints that you leave behind on the wet sand , the little boys with bright smiles carrying the smell of sundal along with them , The balloons which strew the sands with the help of the beach breeze escaping the wrath of the shooters who stand with wooden guns ,the couples who get cozy in their own world oblivious of the stares of millions around them , the astrologers wanting to have a share of my sweethearts tiny little palms in the promise of predicting a bright future - forming the backdrop , I held her hands whispering the hope of a future ,while the little fingers played around and held to each other promising never to part .

The wet footprints left behind us slowly got washed away under the gentle waves . The never ending horizon loomed across the ocean forming a thin line between the sea and the sky as the sea covered the entire endless stretch that my eyes could span . The wounds of our past slowly healed and vanished just like those footprints with the hope of a future called 'us' slowly embarking upon the horizon .

"Oye ", I placed my palms on her cheeks with my luckiest index finger being the first to touch, and a little-less-luckier middle finger coming second . I slowly hushed away a few strands of her hair which were playing around in the wind and tucked them behind her left ear . She smiled as always . This was the ...err.. I had lost the count as to how many times I had done that on that day . It started a few hours back when we had gone to get her a pair of shades , and each and every time she wore one I used to follow the ritual . Her blush accompanied by the little bend in her curved eyebrows whispering me the unspoken words 'How is it ? "...She looked heavenly irrespective of the shades ..."Oye .. What happened " she shook me as I again went into daydreaming mode .

"Nothing ...its just that I got lost in you , yet again..... ,"I thought

Soon after , with a one leg broken chair holding the plate of beach bajjis , and two other chairs holding us , the madness called love continued , as we savored the 'onion bajjis ' of besse . The conversations which never had a topic for the last two years as always continued too .

It was at this same place a year back she came up with a strange request

"Can you write a poem for me? "

I obliged and immediately went on like ....

"You know what ???"

"what???"

"I love you a lot !!!!! ....."

No wonder she never spoke about poems from that day onwards .....

And suddenly since I remembered that , I gave her a wink and sending a bajji through my mouth I mumbled

"You know what???"

She gave a naughty look of nostalgia and shouted ,

"I love you a lottttttttttttttttttt.............."

The echoes of our laughter broke through the waves of the ocean ....

I guess those laughs are still alive, lost somewhere amongst the waves of besse and and each and everytime we go to besse , a few more laughs get added to our deposits of love amongst the several others in the waves of besse.....

In the canvass of 'our lives' the splash of colors of hope , love and joy spread as we thanked 'fate'-the artist' , who had indeed done a nice job .. I wish time had just frozen there ....

Those crazy days , meaningless laughs , even-an-ass-hole-would-write-better-than-you poems , aimless walks , never ending drives , heavenly whispers , naughty winks .....

It just seems like yesterday........

ARNOLD KUMAR goes to the gym !!!!!

2009-06-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

It was the ...umm ...I don't remember the exact count but must be the sixth or the seventh time I was glued on to star movies watching my thala ( our screen heroes for whom we would do anything ) sylvester stallone bash up the Russians in RAMBO 3 . All pumped up I went in front of the mirror , stripped off my shirt ...And giving a What-a-man look at myself , I shouted "yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh " which almost shook my entire colony (My downstairs mama has got yet another reason to complain against me in the society meeting ...).

I wrenched and flexed each and every not-visible-to-human-eye muscles on my body and called my young 10 year old brother .In fact he had come there without me calling him courtesy- my nasal capacity ."Count the no of packs " I called out to him giving a proud look .

"One . " he stopped . "And then ..." I flexed again ..."One" this time he sounded louder "and that's it ".......

"Yeahhhhhhhhh" I growled again and took two push ups (the maximum till date ) ... "Now count " I sounded like an arrogant goon .

"One "......."Ayoo , mummy , even thollai thangalai...please help me " ( Loosely translated - "I am fed up with his antics...mom please save me )...

Soon I realised I had just a single pack . Five short .

Oh god . I thought for five minutes sitting at the place where each and every guy on earth spends his maximum time and usually comes up with brilliant ideas .Soon I flushed all the useless ideas and came out . Decided . I am hitting the gym from tomorrow ...

"MISSION ARNOLD KUMAR " - from arun kumar to arnold kumar in three weeks ......

(coz sylvester kumar sounded weird )

The next day at gym...

"Macha don't over do ...just warm up "said my so called body builder , friend Visu .

"ha ha ...ethellam nee arun kumar kitta sollu ...naan arnold kumar da " I growled looking sympathetically at the other silly-small-boy-body-builders out there as I kept dancing around in a round disc which kept rotating from one side to the other along with me . This was easy . I mean for Arnold kumar , obviously , anything was easy .

Then slowly I lifted some weights and did a few other similar versions of it and finally when I went on to the leg crunches section . "Macha , you are over doing it ...do the leg thing next week else you wont be able to walk " he warned ..."Silly fellow ...kumar...arnold kumar machan " I replied with the poise of Reid & Bond ad.

He gave a smile for which I didn't know the reason then . I slowly worked for another half an hour and finally packed off . Felt great that day . Did some shadow boxing on the streets oblivious of the constant stares from the garment-factory figures and the so-called-ladies-college ....umm its hurts but still...Figures ( phew , I managed to type it )...

The whole day went about boasting about my adventures at gym . My poor bro was lifted into the air many a times as a testimonial for my gymming . Poor bro , I can imagine how I would have felt had someone lifted me somewhere close to the ceiling fan and rotated me ....

Finally I slept early as I was very tired .

The next morning ...oops sorry the next afternoon I was still struggling to get myself out of my bed . Felt someone should bring a stretcher to get me to the bathroom . Oh no . Each and every muscle ( don't laugh ...no comedy intended .I might have muscles ..miracles do happen ...)...coming back each and every muscle pained .

And suddenly my cell phone rang . "Come to my office urgently . I have some work for you " my mom spoke . Oh but why today . Anyway , with no other option I somehow managed to get up and when I began to walk . Oh , what the fuck . I was walking as if I had a football in between my legs . ( "Macha , you are over doing it ...do the leg thing next week else you wont be able to walk " the flashback played across ) ....I tried to join them but in vain .

Oh no , I was getting late . Will check this out later I told myself and soon I was there standing amidst the passengers of chennai suburban rail. And the imaginary football between my legs was still there . I tried different styles and position to bring them back together . But nothing worked and while I was still trying I saw a small boy staring at me and he wore a naughty smile . Then he stared at something behind me . I turned to see what it was . It was the diagram of a man with a huge ....ummm...ditch it ....it read ...Dr rajkumar ...some crap...contact me for cure of hernia ...Oh no ...Now I understood (My flashback went to those L.K.G days when my father warned me to wear an underwear or I would end up like that ). The boy was still staring with the I know-what-you-did-smile intact . Aaaarghhhh ...Naan avan ellai thambi (I am not him )...Its not what you think , dear young fellow ...Oh , but how do I explain . The stop arrived and I got down . He still kept staring and suddenly he broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter ...Aaaargh...I quickly turned around and tried to walk normally ..But in vain ...Arnold kumar - the damage is done .....

I stood staring at the mirror at the end of day happy to get rid of the imaginary football (of course after a whole day's struggle ) and decided a single pack was much better for me .

Finally after much emotional trauma and tears , I , arun kumar , bade goodbye to Arnold kumar .....

And that's how the world lost Arnold kumar.........(Sobs)

P.S : I wish I never come across the boy in my entire life ...

Even I had a story . . .

2009-06-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

The tanned brownish roasted skin on my face shone under the scorching 2 pm sun with sweat giving the final touches to the excited face. "6 runs of two balls” , I heard my friend bala shout . All of us stood tensed on the field praying for the bowler to do the trick. He came running in like a giant and with a quick twirl of his arm , released the ball. Thud ...the ball went for a four . The thunderous applaud from the opposition deafened my ears . The dismayed looks on the bowlers face aggravated by a several fold frown on his forehead were of no respite to us. "Come on machan..." someone shouted from the field. Just a ball to go. A win wouldn't leave us with a diamond studded trophy , a million dollar prize money announced by the govt or a home at bandra . In fact it was more than that . It would leave us with respect , the honor of walking out of the ground with our heads high and the priceless joy of winning . The bowler wiped the fresh stream of sweat across his forehead. Silence enveloped the ground as all of us stood there tensed . The bowler slowly came running in and with each and every step , the heart beats slowly increased . We all took a deep breath as he released the ball . For the next few Milli seconds every heart stopped . "thud "...the batsmen swung his bat with his full might . "yeahhhhhhh" the ground roared . This time the deafening noise was much more deafening as I had my voice supplementing it .The batsmen was clean bowled . Joy is always described by subtle emotions . But this time the fury of joy teared upon the wildness hidden within us and we all ran towards the center , growling , hooting , whistling and finally the mad scramble ended in a huddle . The sweat from each others shirts , mystically combined to give the intoxicating smell of success . We all stood as one . Victory was ours . "Watha..." we all shouted in unison . The heads stood high and the hands with the fists closed were open towards the all encompassing skies . We had won ...
"Anna , ten rasna packets " I shouted to our indirect team sponsor Mani Anna, waving out the hard earned ten rupee note . "Looks like you guys have won," he jovially asked , handing us our precious rasna packets. "Can anyone beat us? " a victorious arrogant voice retorted back from one amongst us . The boisterous laughter followed with Mani Anna giving us company for everyone of us knew it was our only win after ten matches and that too by a whisker ."watha teamukku oru 'O' podu "..........."Oooooooooohhhhh"the thunder bolted again . What a feeling . I still couldn't believe we had won . I sipped the frozen rasna savoring the taste . After all it had come from my hard earned one rupee . Felt like heaven ....honestly.

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"Beep ,Beep " the mobile buzzed as I was sitting in my office cabin .

"Your account has been credited with Rs XXXXX "

It was the much awaited 31st of the month , but as always the strange sense of emptiness filled me . Its been 2 years and nothing seems to have changed , the emptiness keeps coming back , yet again . I sipped through the insipid tea churned by the coffeemaker , staring out at the vast emptiness of the skies through the stained glass window . A few birds flew happily flapping their wings against the winds , savoring their 'gifted' freedom of an unknown future .Yet another sip went in as I stared at those birds , at the vast blue skies , the stains on the window pane which created mystical blots on my vision of the skies .....I kept staring , lost in an enigmatic sadness which slowly traveled its way forming a lump in my throat .

How I wish ......

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With the bat resting on my shoulders just like you see in the mahabarata serial , I walked along with our team discussing the turning points of the match . We paraded the streets oblivious to the shouts of the autowallahs and other innocent passerbys . We were the winners . Soon the stomach-ache causing laughs followed as we tread to what we do the best - Pulling each one's legs . As always the usual targets of our team were the ones with the maximum carnage caused on their image . What a walk . The trees along the streets seemed to be dancing to our tunes , the vendors seemed to be singing , the breeze gently kissed us ...everyone and everything seemed to be perfect . The laughs , The pride and joy of victory walked alongside with us ....And why not , after all we were the winners

Probably the best walk I ever had in my life........

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There I was walking alone on the lonely streets of kolkata with just a stray dog giving me company on the hope of some food . A chill wind blew ruffling my hair and I gently closed my eyes for a second . And strangely there was no difference . The darkness had already set in . The slow steps , the longing heart which had become a slave to money and the desires buried long back combined themselves and mixed along with the chill wind whispering elegies of unknown languages into my ears . Finally , I reached the ATM , took out some money . Looking at the crisp 100 rupee notes I faked a smile ........yet again.

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"Ma , we won . I hit a six of sudheer's ball . It went off like ............." this was the fourth time I was telling her the same story . Still she listened with the same interest and curiosity . I hugged her and slowly went off to sleep . I dreamt about the match , The last wicket ,the sixes , the dive catches the rasna , the look on the opponent's face.......The entire match had a re telecast in my mind . I kept dreaming .

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I struggled to get sleep as I kept rolling from one side to the other . "Where will my manager ask me to go tomorrow ? Why the fuck am I here ? Why do I have to do this ? Shall I resign ? But its a lot of money . Will I get another job ? What will the world think of me ? Am I a loser???????? . With a storm inside me , I opened my eyes staring at the whirling ceiling fan - my only companion during those several sleepless nights. The clock showed 3 a.m .
Life was a mess.......

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"Ma I am going to play "....
"But its only 6 a.m ..." and before the sleepy voice of my mom could complete I was excitedly walking on towards our ground . Yup , our ground . I kept hitting shadow sixes throughout my walk . "Hi da , lets start " a friend of mine called out .The sun was at its merciless best as always .But who cares , we could brave the heat , the rains and the winds . After all , we were the winners ..... We played for the entire day and cursed it for ending so soon . It felt great and each passing day was a delight.

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"Oh god , Its 7 a.m already ", I banged the alarm , gave a frown which encompasses all the synonyms of frustration . I hoped the day had never begun . Hoped it would end soon . The mechanical life had begun yet again . The running had to start . The leather shoes ,the uncomfortable formals , the ID card which proclaimed me to be a software engineer hung across my neck . I gobbled a banana and set off for 'yet another day' .......

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Well , Its just been sometime and how much life has changed . Those days of joy , dreams , freedom , curiosity have slowly been filled with anxiety , frustration and sadness . As I write this I realize slowly how much I have really missed enjoying life for its simplest pleasures in the mad chase for money which promises the 'mirage' of a secured future and happiness . There were times when I realized there was something majorly wrong in the way I was living my life and I started looking for solace in the endless list of self-help books . But nothing seemed to help . But today as I took some time to dwell into my past , and my so called stories of my life , strangely it had all the answers to my unanswered questions . And I slowly realized the true answer to our search lies within us - Within the stories in which we were the heroes , and within the ones we dismissed of as too trivial . Well we are all heroes , and the stories we all have are one of the best ones ever . As I ponder over my so-called stories , I have finally decided . I am just one week away from my resignation .

After two long years , this day I did what I always wanted to do . Though I am financially poorer , no more a part of the esteemed industry , no more a respected person amongst my family , no more a sensible person according to the society ....I am finally free . Free to do whatever I like just like how I was ten years back . Free from my master called money . I am not really sure how long it will be before I go back to my master . But now at this moment I am free ...And this blog is a humble beginning for my new dream . Beyond the scolds from my English teacher who thought I was a too dumb to write , the fear of what people might think , and beyond my own doubts of whether I could really write something a little better than crap (honestly , I still have it each time I write ) I finally decided to go ahead . And it seriously feels great each and every time I sit down to write . And its heaven when I receive a few comments and the thought "maybe it is just a little better than crap " crops up ( Though I am still not really sure ) .But nevertheless finally I went ahead and did it. And what a difference it made . I finally had the courage to do something just for me . And for those who have read till here , thanks a lot , for unknowingly , you have made someone believe in his dreams and follow his heart. Its just not about the blog , its just about making time to do things which we always loved doing but kept postponing because of the fear of what others might think and because of the innumerable reasons we thought about as to why we wont be able to do it . But finally after all these years a little 5 minutes that I spent while walking across my old school playground , which brought in all those sweet memories , has taught me what I was missing all these days . It was the courage to go about and do something which you really enjoy . For once, finally , I didn't do something for money or to spruce my resume or to impress someone . Feels great......

And if in case you ppl ever get some time off , try switching off your mobile phones , go to your terrace , lie down for once without bothering about the dress getting dirty , plug in a pink floyd , feel the cool breeze in your hair and try recollecting those wonderful stories you had where you were the heroes or heroines, where you did everything you dreamt off , where you wandered with the spirit of an adventurer enjoying the warmth of the sunny afternoons , where you cycled your way towards freedom , nursed your wounds from the first fall like a warrior....The ones which your heart always died to tell to the world and most importantly to YOU . Each of us have a story to tell hidden there somewhere deep within the dust laden chambers of our hearts and you never know your story might just be the answer to what you were always searching for , just like how it happened to me .

For all the heroes and heroines , that's it for now , keep cherishing those golden days while I shall be back soon .

P.S : sorry for the long post

A litlle bit of life....etc

2009-06-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

A girl crying in the middle of central railway station chennai . An angry father accompanied with a shocked mom blasting her . "appa , I am not lying to you . Please trust me " the chocked voice cried ......

Unflushed toilet , deadly smell from the dried shit which would make you pass off koovam as fragrance , amidst this stuck hiding in the toilet was a bespectacled thin lean boy trying different versions of pranayama not being able to grapple with the smell.....

In case you watch tamil flicks , by this time you must have guessed what the story is going to be about..But hold...just read on...

A few weeks back ( in the month of december 2006 ),
the gang as usual ,under the able leadership of mr bajji had zeroed in on yet another useless place namely sweet chariot at the isphahani center in chennai for the usual weekend outing. The usual kalays had begun and as always vani and suppy are the targets . “Guys , I am fed up searching for new places in Chennai ..We need to come up with something new ..” bajji sparked off what happened to be the start of an amusing adventure . “How about going out of Chennai “ , daddy came up with a eureka kinda expression . 3rd year of college , bunking the boring lectures ,unused pocket money , secret trip outside Chennai that too with the girls…the offer was too good to resist …20 minutes of serious discussion and we had decided…Destination Bangalore !!!!

9 different versions of lie for the same cause . The parents were convinced. And everything was planned , right from the journey to the stay . 3 whole days at Bangalore . But as it always happens , there was a small blotch in our proceedings . While we had booked our tickets the names of the 4 girls were not in order but instead in an alternate manner with our names in between. But we were in no mood to retreat and we decided to go ahead .

The day had come . We , the guys were there beforehand and I had the ticket with me . A rough plan was for the girls to somehow manage and send off their parents without allowing them to come inside the station . But with the kind of smart ppl that we had , it was an outright failure …
Vani’s mom , manju’s dad and mom had come inside the station . We took to hiding inside the next compartment .

We hoped that they wouldn’t take the pain to check the chart .
2 minutes left for the train to start . Plan was fine till then .
Everything was fine till then and the train started moving .
“ooooooo…gimme a five “ … The joyous celebrations had begun..

But suddenly the train stopped again . "WTF ...What is wrong with the indian railways "I swore . And suddenly the hero within suppy awakens and he swings out of the compartment a la james bond style ( only the gun was missing ) and peeps over . The coast is clear . No problem guys he signals a thumbs up .

Just a few seconds later came the shock . "Guys your game is up . My mom has found out everything " .The message in my mobile displayed ..
"macha what happened ??".. I flashed my mobile to daddy . And soon the train picked up . And a few minutes later as we went to our compartment we got the shock of our lives . Vani and manju were missin ." They got caught " came the explanation .

There was a silence for the next 5 min .Then slowly "macha , if you dont mind can you pass the lays packet " . That was all it required for us to come out of the so called sad-feel and soon we all feasted on the lays packet still trying to fake a sad face .... "well there is no point cribbing lets go out there and enjoy" was the conclusion ...and once we come back we shall sort things out .

Bangalore arrived and we were soon unloading our bags at the rooms of the hotel . Wow . Finally we are out here all by ourselves . Though there was a little nagging thought about the other two , little did we know about manju, for the fraud that she was , we had underestimated her .
"Guys we r comin there along with vanis mom as you all know that our industrial visit is very important for our internals ...wink ...wink" the message buzzed...She had pulled it off , yet again ...
Vani and Manju joined us the next day ...

Whoaaaaaaa ...We were all together again.......

And what a trip it was ... A disc outing which miserably failed eventually with us landing in a restaurant which we thought was a disc where we had to pay an entry fee and later go back and plead them to return it back , an outing to a temple after which there was a strike called and we had to walk 5 kms back to our hotel ...But inspite of all these debacles -the thanni party , the dancing , those dumb c sesssions , the I-Confide sessions , the millions of photos clicked , the vetaiyadu vilayadu movie , bowling alleys stood the test of time in our memories .

Probably the most daring thing that we ever did as a gang .

I know its a very long time since we all met and the probability of catching up again is very miniscule..

But however the days that I spent with my beloved gang were the best days of my life . I still miss them and at some small corner of the heart the belief that we shall all meet once again still lingers .

We all must have had our own gangs and sadly with the clock ticking by lot many gangs have become a part of history . We would have had millions of misunderstandings , fights , ego , why-did-he/she-do-that questions , but however at the end of it all that matters now are the days we all had spent together under the sunny afternoons with shoulders rubbing together standing as one - THE GANG ...This is dedicated to all the lucky souls of the world who had been or are still a part of the lovely gangs ...

I miss you ppl.....

How I wish ....

2009-06-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

There were people running around here and there. The smell of jasmine swept through the entire house . The ladies had their oiled haired pinned down in the traditional kerela style and the white sarees made them look even more beautiful . The men were at their smartest best , with the traditional shirts and 'mundu' and kept talking as always with an I-know -everything arrogance . The ladies scampered here and there spelling out the names of different things like the fruits , the steel thattu and so on , along with concern about their whereabouts . The younger members of the family were eagerly clinging on the balcony grill waiting for the first sight of a white ambassador . The scene out there with different fruits and sweets arriving each and every passing moment would have led anyone to mistake it for a home-version of coimbedu market .

"They have come " the young voices shouted . The voices echoed through the halls , kitchens and finally through the bedroom where the bride was getting ready . The word 'commotion' no where did justice to what was happening now . People got frenzied and started giving the final touches to the positioning of various almirahs , bedsheets , chairs , tables ...But honestly most of them were exactly at the same position even after the final touches . The laughter of excitement , curiosity emanated from the brides bedroom . The so called big shots of the family stood at the steps welcoming the huge groups of people who had accompanied the groom . "Welcome " they all recited at different intervals .

Soon the people had taken their position. The calenders fluttered with the ladies searching for the auspicious time while the elders kept conversing . At one lone corner of the room , through the window panes which smelt of fresh paint , two beautiful eyes tried to sneak in through the numerous heads ,trying to get a first glance of the one with whom the remaining life was going to be blessed with . Amidst the smiles and giggles , the bride somehow managed to get a small space through the heads .

He sat there elegantly dressed in black bell bottoms , and a crisply ironed white shirt . His big moustache handsomely complemented his face and he looked around the room when he got a few second respite from the array of questions posed at him . Just as his eyes scanned the room and were about to return back to the set of people , he saw those two lovely peeping eyes which sent the promise of a life together and the excitement and commitment of a joyous future . The two eyes met for maybe a few seconds , and love was in the air instantaneously ( and of course the music "run thana num thana " - the one from old Ilayaraja hits played through the background ) .

"Ask the girl to come " one amongst the elders had called .The entire crowd stood silenced as they waited with bated breath to see the girl . The girl came with a few new stainless steel glasses filled with coffee , whose aroma mystically mixed with the eagerness in her eyes transforming itself into a all-encompassing smile . And suddenly ..."thud " somebody hits and the coffee spills over .

"Idiot what are you doing" . Rubbing the remains of the coffee drops on my shorts I flashed a black and white photo to my mom . It was the wedding day photo of my mom and dad which I had discovered while cleaning the almirah. "I was just wondering how your engagement must have been " and gave a sly smile . She gave me a nostalgic smile and nodded her head getting lost in her thoughts about past...."Idiot " she slowly whispered in a chocking voice and left the room with the smile intact. As she left the room , I saw the picture of my dad hanging amidst a few garlanded flowers on the wall . I gave a deep sigh......

How I wish .....

What a maggi !!!

2009-06-11T05:10:00.000-07:00

Knowing her penchant for laziness I had my doubts as to whether she could cook . But dismissing all my doubts , "I know to make maggi " she replied . I dont know if I-know-to-prepare-maggi would be considered anywhere close to the art of cooking . But the fact that I was impressed by it would let you form an idea about how much I knew about cooking . I always preffered the final step in cooking . Eating .

Now that the great cook was a maggi expert I cut the maggi packet and broke down the maggi amidst thunderous applauds from her . I bowed to show my respect and gently told "now you proceed madam". "Oh , but I dont know to operate the gas ". Now the man in me had to come out to the front . I did all the necessary permutation and combination and finally gave her a smile of victory . And I quickly dialled my mom to get the details on how to operate the gas . "Thu " the spit narrowly missed my face ...

Soon with the gas burning , we were all set to cook our first lunch . After 5 minutes of reciting the process from the torn maggi packet and yet another five minutes of anxious wait ( the one where you walk across here and there in front of a maternity ward ), the maggi was ready .

I took two plates and she gave a stern look after which I dumped one plate back to where it was . Slowly we emptied the so-called-maggi into the single plate . Had it been a little more solid I would have rolled it into a banana. Anyway just like the ones who had never seen food , the two forks fought across each and every corner of the plate picking each and every noodle . In 3 minutes the , best lunch of my life had got over. I looked at her and gave her a smile .

I slowly took the maggi wrapper and read the ingredients ,
A little bit of maggi ,
A small amount of water ,
A little bit of masala ,
A little bit of chopped vegetables ,

And I gave a pause , looked at her..

"And loads of love " we shouted in unison and soon after the laughs filled the room.......

What a maggi !!!!!

Smile please !!!

2009-05-23T02:03:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the person who taught you to walk , walks away from the world in front of your eyes ?

What do you do when your best friend walks away with the one you loved the most ?

What do you do when your last respite , your gang of friends , break up all of a sudden ?

What do you do when you meet with an accident which almost took your life and leaves you with a scarred face ?

What do you do when your marks go plummeting and you start thinking you are a loser?

What do you do when all of this happen at the same time ?

What do you when you don't have a single soul whom you can call and say " my life is fucked " ?

What do you do when in spite of all this you are supposed to make people laugh while you are crying within ?

..........

Give up ......

That's precisely what I did 4 years back .

Sometimes life seems to be so cruel that it keeps delivering blows one after the other . I fell down . And it hurt . While I tried to stand up . There was yet another blow . Much stronger and more painful . I still tried to stand . But only to be put down by yet another blow . I didn't know what to do . I was lost . Someone told me "never love someone with all your heart . It hurts " .. I laughed . But now everything had changed . It really hurt . And for once I couldn't rebuff it since I knew the pain . Days passed with the strange loneliness and the stone like heart getting even more harder .

It was yet another day in the february of 2005 , when floyd was playing from the speakers at the corner of my room . And slowly as I got lost in the music , I looked out through the balcony , staring at my orphaned dust coated unicorn , which looked like a lost soul searching for an oasis in the middle of the desert .

A year back it meant the whole life to me . I still remember the way I used to clean , one speck of dust and I would be vigorously rubbing it with all might immediately till it shone at par with the rest of the bike. One scratch and I would have sleepless nights as if someone had hurt me . A small sound from the bike and I would make the life of the mechanic , hell .The feelings of joy that I got the first time I gave the throttle ,the silent vroom sound it made when it started , The feeling of owning a bike , the proud trips across the city roads ,the bends we made together ...priceless ..." Honey I am not going to forget you after all I still do love you " I thought to myself trying to push aside the loneliness which had engulfed me .

A few minutes later , it was us , taking a ride through the roads of heaven or so it felt . The sun shone brightly , the traffic snared and we slowly beat each and every vehicle consoling each other and the much needed hope seemed to be coming from each other . We screeched to a halt as the lights had gone red .

I adjusted my coolers and casually glanced across . The heart beats stopped for a second . A waft of cool breeze scurried across the hot afternoon and swept across me . Standing at the front of the signal right across me on the other side was someone in a red scooty . A churidhar which was a combination of blue and white , lovely brown eyes , curved eyebrows , a flawless perfection which took the form of her face , the silky black hair that seemed to flow and a cute crooked nose . Well that was the nearest , I ever will get to see God . She casually kept playing with her hair as my heart fluttered .. I prayed that she should take her left since I was going that way and that would mean I could savor her beauty for a few more precious minutes . The signal turned green for her . I waited with bated breath . She slowly gave the throttle and the angel just went past me . And as unlucky as I could get , she took her right . But while she passed across me , she turned maybe for a second or lesser than that , and she gave a smile . Must have been the mildest version of a smile but still she gave smile . I fell in love instantaneously . Slowly she faded as the distance between us grew and she merged with the traffic . "honk" a loud noice brought me back to life and I gave my throttle and slowly crossed the signal taking the right , exactly the opposite road she had taken .

Well ,though , this was probably the shortest love story I ever had or would probably not qualify for a story but it taught me one important thing . I still could love . I could love with the same passion and intensity though it was just for a minute . Hope was back again . There still was more to life beyond what I was seeing . And though the entire world I personally knew had given up on me , a smile from mysterious stranger had brought me back to life . How strange , but how true ....

Sometimes even the smallest of gestures from a stranger can completely change your life . So whatever be the problems in our life never forget to smile . You never know who might be falling in love with your smile . And irrespective of whether you are black , white , ugly , fat, lean , tall , short or anything else , the remedy is not in a fairness cream or a weight loss medicine , its much more cheaper and easily available . Its in your smile . Just a simple , straight-from-the-heart smile and you are the most beautiful person on the world . And you never know whose life you might just be changing .

So , keep smiling , come what may...

P.S:
It's been 4 years and I still search for her everytime I cross the signal ...and maybe one fine day........(smiles...)

Before-the-exam moments !!!

2009-05-19T05:24:00.000-07:00

"Oh shit , I still have got 4 more unit's to complete and still just one more day to go " , the perspiration started showing on my otherwise stoic face . I looked at the clock - the hour hand seemed to be in a hurry because three hours had just passed by and I was still stuck with the weird diagram of an electrical circuit . Though I don't believe in mythological stories , I believe the art of turning pages while studying for an exam would come closest to the current version of Akshaya Pathiram . They simply , keep on coming . And no wonder my mind thinks of all these weird comparisons before an exam ...

"watha , u bloody motherfucker 'induction motor ' " I swore at the diagram in my textbook. I was fed up . I dont care the f*** , how u rotate , how u start or about anything else you do . Strange as it is , I guess the lone piece of induction motor hanging above me heard it, as it stopped suddenly . Holy shit , the current had gone ( courtesy arcot veeraswamy , our electricity minister ) . Another hour passed by as I stood by my balcony and went on a killer spree killing each and every mosquito which came in my way with the electric bat . And each time , I killed one , the spark would come and my young brother ashwin would clap . I gave a wicked laugh relishing the killing spree . "That one has escaped " my brother pointed to one notorious mosquito which tried escaping from me . I chased it . "Daaaaaaaaaai " I ran behind it . "aaaaaaahhhhh" a loud sound of someone crashing on the floor came . "loose "( a moment of truth in pain is what I would call it !!!) my brother ajith yelled out before giving me a kick . "Aaaaaahhh" now it was my turn . Suddenly there was a big spark . The lights turned on and the same-under-curse induction motor starts revolving . "Aaaahhaaaaaa" we shouted in unison as the breeze from the khaitan fan gave us a welcome relief from the heat .Simply put , "aaaaaaaaaa" vilirunthu "aaaahaaaaaaa varai ... ( By this time you must be shouting "aaaaaa" after reading such a P.J , else if you are a ardent follower of tamil movies especially the vijaykanth genre , it would be "DAIIIIIIII , mariyathaya come to the topic ")

Coming back to the so-called story ,the four units still remained . I again took the heavy weights in the form of my books with a deep "sigh" , to the extent, that would have made it obvious to my mom sitting in the next room that I didnt brush my teeth . But it was fine ,as long as she didn't find out that ,I hadn't taken my bath . Oh No , its 11 . Its the "Kadalai Time " ( the only time when I am punctual ). the cell phone buzzed with the obvious name flashing on the tiny screen . Machan , please dont waste time else definite "govinda !!! govinda !!! " - the inner voice spoke . "Cha , silly fellow " I told and suppressed him .

"Oye , I've got lots to study . so we will wind up in ten minutes and another help , You got to wake me up at 4 in the morning ," I told her slightly terrified about the repercussions ."Sure da" she replied . She had agreed . I still couldn't believe it was her . Man , I can never understand these girls . After what looked like a few minutes , she spoke few words which froze the skin under my blood ."Oye , I guess you have saved me the trouble of waking you up at 4. Its already 3 . 30 " My entire body became numb .It just seemed as if we just started . Well thats the magic which only girls can perform and in my case it was much easier . Words struggled to come out of my mouth , felt as if someone had stuck a fresh , round piece of dung into my mouth and on top of it was drilling it with a rod ( honestly not only the mouth rather at a part which ends my digestion process) . I quickly said goodbye and the numbness in my body slowly moved towards my brain and soon I was fast asleep .

"Wake up ," I saw the unclear round face of my mom and after a ninety degree turn I saw yet another round face showing 10.30 . "Oh shit " ( not the literal meaning , and the timing was just a coincidence ) I jumped on the bed . And in five minutes I was ready for the last phase of the battle . The pages turned , the books interchanged and as always the head spun .

The climax was nearing . It was a losing battle . Amazingly , the clock struck 5 . Well whats-your-bloody-hurry look sprang up my face when I stared at the clock, as always cursing it . "OK its not working " I thought to myself .Now for the final savior . I took the savior as delicately as I could in my palms , my eyes gleamed with evil pride and wickedness . The dull pages of the torn previous year anna univ question booklet cast its shadow covering my entire pupil . The battle is not yet over . We Fight till we die - a chorus rang through my head as the inner me had gathered a crowd . 15 questions and thats it . And the rest shall be put to ' rest ' . The marathon began and finally ended with the books getting piled over my face as I got buried amongst them slowly at midnight.

The next day dawned and a few hours later , when I was just about to enter the exam hall ,

"god , help me get above 90" a poor padips girl was praying .
I gave an Ayoo-what-a-pity smile .( didnt know whom to pity )
I murmured something to myself . Curious huh . Well here it goes - " vantha malai pona may***" ( sorry wont be able to translate . anyway let me try, "If it clicks its a mountain else its hair gone "... late realization I shouldn't have translated ...lol). I grinned and entered .

Well the rest they say is history . Honestly , how much ever we loathe exams , when played back in the memory they always are special and enjoyable. The fun and the moments they provide us are worth every bit of the effort .Everyone has their own Before-the-exam traumas and debacles , but finally after all the struggles , the joy of seeing that '"pass " on your mark sheet .. truly priceless....I hope you ppl reading this would be reminded of your 'before exam moments' except for the rare case that you belong to the padips category ( who knows even they might have some stories . Its a funny world with funny ppl . U never know ). And I am sure each of you have an interesting story and would probably be smiling thinking of those lovely days . Well , do stay in the same mood and keep smiling while I return soon .

P.S: I did pass the exam . ahem ahem .... Just pass !!!!

WTF is the subprime crisis ??

2009-05-16T02:58:00.000-07:00

Just like every MBA aspirant I too went through a period where I really wanted to know "What the fuck is this sub prime crisis which led to this mess "....After a long search through numerous articles written by famous economists I understood that "an asshole like me would me would never understand the crisis...But nevertheless not wanting to give up I mixed up a few fundas from here and there and present to you the simplest explanation of the subprime crisis hopefully ... Though I dont take credits for this article , its dedicated to all assholes like me who always wondered "WTF is the subprime crisis"

Not only in India even in the US, buying a house is considered to be one of the best investments one can make. This is particularly true because the government, as part of long standing policy, encourages people to own their own homes by allowing tax-deductions on mortgage interest payments. This means if you took a loan to buy a house and are making monthly payments towards the mortgage as well as towards property taxes, the government puts some of that money back into your pocket by allowing you to deduct a percentage of those expenses from your federal taxable income. In other words, a certain portion of your house-ownership cost is written off by the government from your tax bill.

Since the US government does not consider providing any such relief to people who rent , the financial incentive to own a home is that much greater.
And The housing boom was obvious . For the last few years, prices of houses were skyrocketing in the US driven by ever-increasing demand. So much so that people, many many of them in fact, started thinking like Mr. Ramaswamy below:
"Hey this house is worth $500,000. In a year it will be $600,000. So if I can sell it then, I can get a 20% return on investment. "
Of course there is a small problem. Ramaswamy's net worth, in terms of his savings, are $10,000 (2% of the house's cost). And just to make things worse, he has a bad credit history having defaulted on his credit card bills a few times. In order to make the very basic minimum down-payment for the house (usually 20% of the cost), he needs $100,000 i.e. $90,000 more straight away.

He goes to the bank.

Now in normal situations, the loan officer would look at Ramaswamy's bank statement and his credit history and show him the door telling Ramaswamy politely that he just does not have the equity to make such an expensive purchase.
However these are not normal times.
What happens is that on seeing Ramaswamy's loan application, the loan manager smiles, shakes Ramaswamy's hand and provides him the loan on his down-payment. Yes the full $90,000. Plus the loan manager also provides as loan the rest of the house cost (i.e. loans him an additional $400,000) enabling Ramaswamy to take possession of the house right away with zero-down.

So what does Ramaswamy provide as collateral? Nothing.

The only catch is that in exchange for the high (and unreasonable) risk the bank is taking on giving this loan , it expects a very high rate of interest from Ramaswamy. This transaction between Ramaswamy and the banker (let his name be Kanduvaddi kandaswamy) is what is known, as "subprime lending". Kanduvaddi kandaswamy is happy because he is going to get a lot of money as interest for his investment (albeit more than a bit risky), which, in turn, is going to translate to a higher commission for him.
And Ramaswamy is only too glad to get any loan.

As he tells his worried brother Madaswamy "Don't worry about the high rate of interest. In a year, we will recovered our money and quite a bit more. So no problem."
And so this came to pass that thousands of such "sub-prime" loans are written by greedy creditors out to make a fast buck on the high interest rates and then accepted (often many loans at once), with glee, by equally greedy common citizens who think, based on advice given by "pundits", that the housing market would be the golden goose that would keep on giving year after year.

The Federal National Mortgage Association, nicknamed Fannie Mae, and the Federal Home Mortgage Corporation, nicknamed Freddie Mac, are special private corporations that have strong government ties. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were started by the US government so that they may provide credit to the banks (i.e. the primary lenders who loan money to people to buy houses). This was to enable primary lenders to provide more mortgages to common people and thus promote home ownership.

In short a "periya thalai" ( the godfather )

Let me explain how I think this works (the actual process I guess is a bit more involved). Say I buy a house for $500,000.. The total amount I have to pay back to my bank at the end of thirty years (my mortgage period) is $600,000 distributed over monthly payments. The bank however has to pay the seller of the house $500,000 right away and then wait for 30 years before they have their full principal and interest back. In other words, the money would be "stuck" for that period of time.
This is where Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac come in. They go to the bank and if they believe that the bank has followed sound lending practices, they buy the mortgage from the bank for say $520,000. Which means that the bank gets its $500,000 back immediately along with $20,000 interest without having to wait for years. It has thus not only made a profit but it has recovered its principal leaving it free to re-invest this amount into another mortgage.

Now Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac will be the party responsible for collecting on the $600,000. Since the mortgage was bought for $520,000, at the end of the mortgage period it will have made a $80,000 profit.

Now where did Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae get this $520,000? Why doesn't it worry about the fact that its money will be stuck for 30 years? That is because Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae sell what are known as mortgage-backed securities to investors.
Just like an index fund allows an investor to invest in a bouquet of companies with the spread of companies reducing his risk of betting his money all on one horse, a mortgage-backed security (MBS) allows an investor to own stakes in a large number of different kinds of mortgages.
So when Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae make the $80,000 profit on its $520,000 investment, it can keep a percentage of the $80,000 as its commission and passes on the rest as dividend to the MBS-holders i.e. all those who made an investment in that particular mortgage.
Now as is evident, higher the rates of interest are on the mortgages that form an MBS, more are the payouts to the investors in that MBS. With financial experts betting on the housing market to grow and with the consistently high returns on such securities, the prices of MBSs appreciated greatly with investment banks, institutional investors like pension funds and hedge funds all rushing in for a piece of the action. And added to the fact that securities issued by Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae had an implicit backing of the federal government (i.e it was "expected" that the government would cover the investment in case of financial downturns) and one can understand the craze for Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae MBSs.

Now were Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae head honchos well-aware of the shaky foundations of the MBSs they were peddling? You bet they were. But then why should Ramaswamy and Kanduvaddi kandaswamy be the only greedy ones when Peelamedu pavadai , the big boss of Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae is also in the game? Buoyed by the high returns on MBSs, the management of Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae helped themselves to obscene bonuses and vulgar pay-increases.

Of course, in the midst of all the excesses, they conveniently forgot that they were to use their profits to buying more mortgages, increase capital flow in the housing market and thus push down mortgage interest rates.

Money as they say does strange things to memory.
In the lucrative business of buying mortgages, Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae were not the only players in the town, though they were the largest. Different kind of financial institutions like insurance companies and even normal banks were falling over themselves in order to buy sub-prime mortgages from the primary lenders and sell them as part of their investment products. Yes those very loans that had been given to credit-unworthy people like Ramaswamy who had no assets to cover the huge amounts of money they had taken out.

Something was bound to give. With a financial disaster of a war, rising national debt, falling dollar, job losses and out of control oil prices, those people who had taken multiple mortgages out on their $10,000 bank account no longer had the money to make the high monthly payments.
The buyers they had predicted would buy their houses at a premium—well suddenly they were no where to be found.
So thousands and thousands of home-owners just threw up their hands and declared bankruptcy. Houses were foreclosed and seized. People were evicted.
But then the question remained: who would buy these seized homes?

No one. Cause people had no money—a state technically called "Govinda govinda". Banks, once they realized that the housing bubble had popped, had tightened their lending policies (too late guys) and so loans were no longer easily available. Houses stayed on the market forever. Their prices nose-dived.
And mortgage-owners were left holding non-performing, fast deprecating assets on which they had to pay property tax in order to keep holding onto them till a buyer could be found.

Remember that $600,000 payment Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae needed in order to pay the dividends to the MBS holders and also take their commission, the expectation of which had forced MBSs to stratospheric levels ?
Well the news was that there was no $600,000 coming..

MBSs , once bought at high premiums, had started losing their value rapidly.
Disaster was now at the gates. For banks who had invested in mortgages themselves. For Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae. For people who had bought MBSs. For anyone who had guaranteed a mortgage or bought one. In short, ruin for most of the economy as black suit bankers sat on a mountain of useless MBSs that was often not worth the piece of paper written on.

Was that all?
I made one gross oversimplification in my preceding narrative. (Well more than one. But bear with me.)
When greedy banker Kanduvaddi kandaswamy gave the loan to Ramaswamy, he told him that Ramaswamy will get the loan only if he takes out an insurance on his mortgage so that if in the (unlikely) case that Ramaswamy cannot make good on his financial commitment, the insurance company will pay the remaining amount on the mortgage. Ramaswamy now has to make monthly payments for his mortgage insurance (over and above his mortgage payments) but Ramaswamy doesnt care. Cause he has the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The fact that the mortgage is insured is also good for Kanduvaddi Kandaswamy as he has covered his bases, should someone ask him what kind of risk mitigation steps he has taken.

Now let's consider the situation from the point of view of the insurance company. Jambulingam , the big chief, suddenly gets all these house-buyers who want mortgage insurance and are ready to pay a nice premium for them. Ibu thinks to himself :" This is good. With the way the housing market is, there is not much chance of the house buyer going bankrupt–he will always be able to sell his house and make a lot of money. So no chance of him defaulting. Let me keep on selling these insurance products."
And so he keeps selling. Because his company is well-known, the insurance-buyers never ask him "Do you have assets to cover all your insurance liabilities?"After all, when we buy car insurance from Geico or Progressive, do we ever stop to ask them if they actually have the money to pay $25,000 for damages, if I total someone else's car? No we do not.
And so insurance companies kept on making out these insurances far beyond their covering capacity. The premiums were like "free money", insuring (as one expert opined) cars in a country where there were no car crashes. Why just housing? Companies started insuring any kind of big loan with the guarantee of coughing up the cash should the loaner default. Just like mortgage-backed securities, these "I shall pay up when you cannot" instruments (technically called credit default swaps) were being bought and sold on the market at high premiums and companies who were dealing in them were raking in the profits.
What that meant was Jambulingam, the insurance guy , would sell the rights to collect premium from Ramaswamy to the others , say muttal mani and loose mohan would in turn sell that credit default swap to someone else. The market for credit default swaps were red hot —AIG, one of the biggest names in insurance had $78 billion worth of swaps !

Again, all this was fine till the day the housing market went boom. Thousands of people began to default on their loans. All the cars in that crash-free world had just run into each other. The insurance companies and the buyers of credit default swaps, needless to say, did not have the cash to cover the claims. With the housing market going down, different other kind of business deals started going sour. Even more debt insurance claims were made. And the more they were made, the deeper the owners of credit default swaps sank into the swamp.
Then of course there were the investment banks—the Bears and Sterns and the Lehmans of the world. They had their proverbial finger in each of these superhigh yield pies be it the mortgage-backed securities or the credit default swap markets. As a result of years of high-paying lobbying initiatives, the investment banks had made sure that they operated under the minimum of controls and oversight, freeing them to take unreasonable risks while investing.
Initially it all went according to plan. Even better than the plan as a matter of fact. The more they raised the stakes and the more outrageous the risks they took, more money they got.
Income forecasts were manipulated by taking into account the so-called "value" of the credit default swaps whereas in reality it was nothing but "funny money" that existed only in an optimistic future, a tomorrow that would ultimately never come. And with such rosy forecasts and on the back of its great current "performance", Wall Street paid out record performance bonuses across the board.

Till of course disaster struck. The MBSs sunk to junk and people started calling in the credit default swaps. The banks did not have enough assets to cover even a fraction of its liability.
When angry Rajnikantha says with this one rupee I will become a millionare in sivaji it sounds macho and cool. Now when investment banks are shown to have followed that same principle, it's quite horrifying. To put it mildly. No wonder then that investor confidence and their overall credit-worthiness suffered.
The only way for the Lehman’s and the Bears and Sterns to be able to survive would have been to raise money from the market and use it to discharge their obligations. But the credit market had frozen up. No financial entity in Wall Street was trusting anyone else with their resources. Starved of its cash flows, an investment bank like Lehman Brothers that had survived the Great Depression and two World Wars went belly-up. So did Bear Sterns before it was acquired.
AIG and Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae were in danger of coming to their knees but since they were considered too critical to fail , they were given federal life-lines through infusion of tax money to keep them afloat.
Two of the biggest banks–Washington Mutual and Wachovia were not so lucky and was taken over by other corporations.
And most importantly, the High End Girlfriend Index, the true indicator of the value of Wall Street fat cats, collapsed spectacularly.

The face of the financial world had changed within a few weeks.

Memories of love

2009-05-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

"Dad what's this " his son called out to him referring to an old diary that he had discovered while playing in the store room . "Nothing da ...Its papa's old diary ...You go and play now"...
He dusted the cobwebs that had settled over the cover. It was not just the diary alone that the cobwebs had settled , the painful truth dawned on him ... And he slowly opened it with a heavy heart ...

December 31 ,1970

Dear diary ,
The chill winds of december kissed through the lonely streets , the deserted alleys , the roads , the open windows of the homes and finally a small place behind the old motor room . Far and away from the vagaries and madness of the city there she was , standing close to me . For the first time , I felt her breath . Her hot breath fought with the cold zephyr for a little space on my small , round face. Never before had I stood so close to her . I could smell the mesmerizing fragrance of talc from her . "Ouch , Sandya you are too close I guess ," I whispered .But she wasn't listening rather she was busy looking elsewhere as if waiting for someone to come. Suddenly I heard a few footsteps coming near . She came closer .The footsteps were those of ajay as he was the catcher in the game of hide and seek . There was hardly any place to stand for one , leave alone two .She pressed herself against my body as she struggled not to be seen outside . A drop of sweat from my forehead fell on her cheeks . "Sshhh" she whispered as she pressed herself harder against my body . I felt a weird weakening feel in my heart as if someone was pulling it from inside . The footsteps got louder . Her breathing got faster and I could feel it getting hotter with each and every breath . She came closer than the word 'closest' would ever signify . Wondered , if anything could ever come between us . Didn't know why ,I slowly kept my hands around her and embraced her gently . I closed my eyes . She must have said something . Strangely I couldn't hear . The moment of eternity was blessed by the fragrance of the rusty old motor and her's combined together .Slowly the footsteps faded . I opened my eyes . I saw her eyes closed and face pressed against my heart as if she was listening to each and every unspoken word it had to say . And I slowly realized that she had her arms around me . The strange music of silence was playing in the background . I savored the moment which whispered the incomprehensible secrets of love to us . Though we were too young to understand what it meant, we knew it was divine . The tranquility extended for a time which strangely seemed to have set the seconds hand of the clock in the reverse direction . We both stood there as 'us' for the first time . The chill wind blew again ...

November 16th , 1984 ,

Dear diary,
The azure sky met the deep blue sea over the extending horizon . The sky looked brighter than usual maybe it had a premonition that today was a special day . I smiled at the thought . The unusually silent waves smoothly merged with the clouds , painting a picture perfect back-drop . Standing amidst the beautiful backdrop , were two young hearts savoring the beauty of nature and wondering where these simple joys had been hidden all these days . As the waves made various patterns , a chill breeze came sailing and shook the strands of hair covering her forehead. She looked beautiful . Her eyes spoke the strange language of love . The sound of the waves , the ubiquitous smell of beach and the glittering sands which shone in the sun added to the grandiose of the moment . I stood there silently contemplating about a future with 'my sandya ' . I looked at her . She smiled . Or did she . I wasn't sure . I held her hands . My fingers could feel the moisture in her palms . It was cold and the smoothness of the palms were enhanced by the moisture . My fingers played around , while my heart kept slipping an inch downwards with each and every touch. There were unknown sensations playing around my entire body as my mind had become numb . I looked into her eyes . She was smiling and this time I was sure because the smile was from her eyes. "I love you ," The wind made my whisper even more feeble giving it the much needed romantic tone . A cold wave sweetly kissed our feet making it wet . She kept looking at me . And with each and every passing second the tranquility and numbness transcended to a different plane .I felt the grip on her fingers tighten softly . Through the moisture laden eyes , she whispered something . A cold wave blew , and the the waves again kissed our feet . "I love you , too " the melancholic tone from her sweet lips kept echoing through the abandoned boats , the never ending sea , the light house , the sandy shores , the sea shells and the azure skies which engulfed us . The artist called 'fate' , was painting this colorful picture called 'love ' on the canvass of our 'lives ' . The chill wind blew again..........

May 2, 1986,

Dear diary ,
The vision was blurred . I couldn't see anything . There was a storm brewing inside me . And strangely on the outside , an enigmatic silence seemed to engulf me. And vaguely I could see the letter 'S' magnifying in and out of proportion . And just like the seamless flow of the river , the letters kept magnifying one after the other . . Sandya . The name slowly seemed to be appearing as the tear drop slowly strolled across the name on her wedding card .

The entire world had stopped for a second . I knew this day would come . But how ever much you prepare yourself , this moment shatters all the strength you had . My Sandya would never be mine . Did I say 'my Sandya' . A nauseating smell of alcohol came from the glass in front of me . "My sandya " I thought as I gulped the entire glass without remorse .

It still pained . Not like the usual pain when you fell on the ground and bruised your knees . This time the bruise wasn't seen . But I felt it . No amount of alcohol seemed to be soothing it . Instead it seemed to get more agonizing . "I love you " I heard her say, what seemed just to be yesterday . But today its all vanished with the cruel veil of fate uncovering itself on my life ....

I am a proud man . But today I fail . The tears rolled down . I didnt want them to stop . A lump formed across my throat , and as my mouth was drying up I gasped for air . "I love you ...but why did you do this to me", my motionless , ghostly white face whispered to the unknown . The chill breeze blew , yet again, but for the last time.......

...........................................................................

Its been 20 years since ....He never got the answer . He slowly closed the diary .A drop of tear made a blot on the otherwise dusty cover .

"Dad , sandya is beating me ..Tell her to stop plz " his son called out to him complaining about his elder daughter .

You heard it right...

Few memories never fade into oblivion .........

Those lovely train journeys

2009-05-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

"S12 seat no 3 ," I reminded myself as the train came to a screeching halt unsettling the dust above the tracks . "Ah , there it is ," I heaved a sigh of relief as I settled down at the window seat . It was a tiring day . I had come to pune for a b school interview and was on my way back home . And it was extremely tiring because I had the interview in the morning and had to rush to the station in order to make it in time . Finally , its back to good old chennai , and since my interview had gone extremely well, the three letter word-MBA dreams had just started . And do I get a better place than a window seat at a 2nd class coach .

Well the first thing that any 23 year old guy traveling in a train would do is to look around for the 'birds'. As always , I was unlucky . The same old question popped up " fucking , why doesn't it happen to me " .... Right across me were an aged couple , must be in their 70's I guess . And just eaves dropping a bit , I figured out that they were going to tirupati . "lord venkat , You have again let me down " I mumbled . Beside me were two foreign tourists as always with a huge bag double their size , a torn banyan and a hawai slipper ( we call ppl with the same outfit of our origin a different name ...but its always different when it is them ) and a talked a version of english which made me doubt as to whether the version we had was really "English " ( When I was young I used to marvel when my bestfriend told me that even beggars in England could speak English while we were struggling with our english lessons...silly me) ...the one opposite me was vacant and so were the 2 side berths . "Maybe lord venkat still has something in his mind ...Your games are special and incomprehensible to humans " I thought with a tone resembling that of my granny .

'"Excuse me," a young lady spoke as I lifted my leg resembling a ' just-stamped-fresh-cowdung' pose while she pushed in a huge bag under my seat . Aha , though she would be rated as average , I decided not to complain as something was better than nothing . Sometimes I really am a contended guy . And the young lady , went outside and started speaking with an older one . "Ma , don't worry ..I am safe out here . Will definitely come there next month . I have kept the food under your seat and don't forget to take your tablets " . So now I understood lord venkats plan . It was her mom who was the passenger and not the one whom I wanted .Well , I take back my words , I am definitely not the contended one ...

And now occupying the vacant side berth , were an old lady , a newly married couple( I guessed by her prominent "thaali") and a young guy in his 20's . The old lady whom I guess was the mother was pale and I could see her mumbling something to her daughter . The other guy who had torn pants , and a worn out shirt was her brother . They had come to see off the newly married couple . They must have been from a very poor family , which was evident from the dress they wore . Hidden beneath the ruggedness of his face , I could see the pain of missing someone and though I didn't understand a single word of what he spoke , I knew that he loved his sister . And their conversation was held in a manner that I thought at any moment someone would break down and cry . But everyone sat still , with plethora of emotions hidden under their faces . I looked at them slowly realizing that true love indeed was not just reserved for the movies . More than the words that were audible , their eyes spoke a language which was not audible but could only be felt . And somehow even I could feel it .

A few minutes later the whistle went . The mother and brother gave a look which somehow , strangely was a mixture of both happiness and sadness. They got down from the train while the other mother who had come with her daughter took her seat before me ." brindha , take your meals properly ...and call me daily ...do take care of my daughter she is like a child " the old lady spoke in a choking voice through the grills straining her voice so that it would reach her daughter sitting at the side berth...soon the words were replaced by her sobs ...."Ma ,I miss you " the gal waved a tata while her eyes were trying to deceive the tears which were held back...

The train started ... and the guy started running along with the train trying to catch a glimpse of her sister for every extra second was priceless . He came running and soon before he lost his race with the speed of the train he shouted " I love you ma" ...and finally the rugged face broke down . I sat still as I saw him disappear amongst the crowd . The gal started sobbing and lay on her husbands thighs as he consoled her . A drop of tear eluded the misty eyes of the lady who was sitting in front of me , thinking about her daughter . The pain of missing loved ones is very harsh , indeed . In a world ruled by money , there is still an inevitable place for love , and right in front of me were the people who make the journey called life worthwhile all along. We all miss a few loved ones and in case we are lucky enough , few people will miss us too . I was missing someone too...

I just kept staring and didn't know why even I had been deeply moved . Well , sometimes even those who are noway related to us , affect us . Today was such a day .

"India is a beautiful country and Indian people are lovely " I heard the foreigner speak....
Very true , we are lovely people indeed ( and sometimes very emotional too) ......

Well , these train journeys , how much ever mundane they may be , nevertheless they are always beautiful .They always have a surprise in store for us . A bunch of foreigners all set to explore our countryside, an old couple who had seen everything in life and were in search of moksha in the temples of India , a young couple all set to start a new life with an iota of hope and the joy-of-love gleaming through their moist eyes , a mother who was missing her daughter , and at last a young guy with dreams of becoming a manager someday ....The eclectic mix of people and emotions always adds to the aura and liveliness of these journeys..

These are not just simple train journeys . They are more like the journey of life . The journeys are the same for all of us ...But however the stories are different ...For few its about missing their loved ones , for few its about adventure , for some its a routine way of life ,and for some it carries hope of a new life ....

Nevertheless , with each and every journey starts a new dream , a new hope and a new destiny...Keep traveling and keep enjoying these simple pleasures that our evergreen Indian railways has to offer us ...

Life is beautiful

2009-05-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

We meet a lot of people in our day today lives . Most of them vanish without a trace ...but however a few , leave indelible traces in our hearts . Well this one is exactly about someone like that ...

For the past one year there has just been one thought that has dominated me the most . When do I resign ??? The reason , I hated my work . To be more precise , I loathed it . Kept dreaming about the day when I would leave this dreaded work and do something I liked .This was not just me but there are many more who belong to this category .But what did I love doing . I didn't know . I Read a lot of self help books which told "Find what u love doing the most and pursue it as your career " . As easy as that . But unfortunately for me , all my passions seemed to have a time line attached to it.. Started with the love of books , and as time passed by lost interest in it and wanted to be a badminton player but soon got lost amidst the competition for survival in my 12th board exams ...later on it was photography , roaming around , bikes , mba and what not ....and now its blogging..God knows how long.."the search is still on and someday , maybe ,I would truly find out what I love.... " I thought. So being disoriented and unsatisfied at the workplace was natural .

My work required me to travel a lot . This time I was in Edappal , a small village in Kerela . I lazed off my bed , fighting with the urge to get more sleep I hurried to my workplace . I had a pleasant surprise . Amidst the old banking people , there was a guy of my age meddling with the computers . I said "What are you doing ?"....." Sir ..I was called for repairing the computer ," ...Since my computer always gave me troubles I thought would learn a trick or two from this guy . "Dont call me , sir ...call me arun ...and how do I call u? "..."Oh k sir ...sorry ..err...arun...I am Abdul kalam..." . Hmmm , does that strike a chord .

Thus began one of the most enlightening friendship that I have ever had . Since I had hardly any work , I started talking to him about what I knew the most , girls . And soon the topics covered politics , the staffs out there , his workplace etc. He was one of the most enthusiastic and fun loving guy that I had ever known . We also had our bird watching sessions in the evening . Truly Gods own country , I blushed in my heart . He told me about how he was a big fan of "Lal ettan" ( mohan lal , the great actor of Mollywood ) and how he used to save money to watch his movies . He described the funny moments he had when he used to go for servicing computers . Truly the knowledge base of old people when it comes to computers can form a new classification under Khushwants Singhs humour books .

But however behind his smiles there was a lot of sadness and struggles which he never showed out . Later on, I got to know from one of the staffs , that he worked 7 days a week , for a salary which was barely enough for him, leave alone supporting his family consisting of his mother and two sisters . His father was a factory worker in Dubai ( The only respite for most of the mallus ) whose earnings he supplemented . His home didn't have electricity for the past six months since they were required to pay 25k for the erection of an electric post .He would need minimum 3 more months to get back the electricity connection . Well this was the face of the other India .But not once , did he complain , blame the government or lament about his low paying job ... An ac room , a decent home , a handsome salary , a bike , a movie twice a week , coffees at coffee day and what not , and there I was , still unhappy and complaining . And here was someone who hadn't seen a tube light for 6 months leave alone an A.C ...And still he had no worries . He had dreams to make it big someday . He wanted to open a computer retail shop one day and wanted his sisters to study and didn't want them to drop out just like how he did due to money constraints .

I took him out for dinner that day to a restaurant and though he was reluctant I forced him to eat heartily . And I sincerely believe , no human has the right to say "No , thanks " to a tandoori chicken leg piece . Though he was much younger to me he had taught me the most important lesson of my life . Life was indeed beautiful as long as you had the dreams and the strength to pursue them . Whatever be your current situation , there are always million things to cherish and be happy . And there are people who are less fortunate than us and the true happiness lies in doing something for them .I have decided that whatever happens , I am going to enjoy and cherish life irrespective of what it has to give me .After all you get to live just once and there are better things to do than complaining ...And truly , Life does seem beautiful . Well , Abdul as of now , except for this leg piece there is not much that I can do for you .
But someday , in the near future , I would definitely see u as a successful businessman and definitely I would do any help within my reach to see you there.

And then came the strange thought...

Maybe the name Abdul Kalam wasn't just a coincidence....

Those li'l things in life !!!

2009-05-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

"One of the greatest matches in the history of world wrestling federation is about to unfold in front of your eyes - JOHN CENA vs BIG SHOW "...

"Its a do or die match for me ...I somehow got to beat the menacing and unbeatable CENA ," I thought to myself as I was preparing for my bout .

"You will definitely lose .Do you want to quit before the match .This is your last chance ," my seven year old brother gave me a stern warning with a cute-baleful look ( obviously the irony coz it comes from a seven year old and if you dont trust me look at the pic).

Well , it was the yet-another-eventful-weekend where both me and my bro were getting ready for our championship match . It had become a regular ritual .

The JOHN CENA was obviously my invincible bro -
ASWIN

age : 7

matches played :6

matches won : 6

Chest : Hardly covers the rib cage
biceps : 10 cms to be precise

abs : got a round lovely single pack

hates : school ,homework , environmental science , books , me ( i.e Batista , Big show , undertaker...keeps changing every week ) , milk ...

likes : video games , cartoon network , spiderman , superman and all the various versions of 'whatever-mans' , ice creams , wwf , John Cena , trying his newly learned stunts against the poor 'me' ...

Well his name was always the same while mine used to change every week . This week I was supposed to be BIG SHOW ( Partly because of my increase in weight recently ,thanks to the sacrifice from the delicious race of 'KOZHI' Aka 'CHICKENS ') ...

And the referee , none other than the sweetest person in the world - my mom.

This time it was an 'I QUIT' match ( for those who have grown old and lost touch with the once-upon-a-time-wwf-craze an I QUIT match is a match where the the one who says "I quit" first is the loser ...)

With the winamp player thumping the theme music of John Cena, my bro enters the room looks around towards the four walls , raises his arms dreaming about the 1 lakh plus crowd cheering him . And finally he gets into the ring (i.e my bed which has witnessed all the violence and glories of the previous weeks ).

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiii" he shouts and pounces on me. the fight has begun . He gives me a punch and then a kick . My mom shouts " Come on , John " ( You called him JOHN huh...no wonder u deserve a special applause for ur enthusiasm )...

As always I give in . But I should not give him an easy win for JOHN CENA is supposed to win after a tough fight ( or else his pride would be affected ) . So as usual I block some of his blows and push him down on the bed and press him on the bed . He remains helpless for a few seconds after which a deafening "aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhhh , " sound rocks my entire flat .( NO wonder the downstairs mama is not a fan of JOHN CENA..lol)... Just like how the heroes in our movies suddenly get a spurt of anger on seeing their sister being molested by the goon and break the shackles with a 'aaa' sound my bro suddenly gains power and breaks my grip...he again gives me a kick . The look on his face . Priceless. I wouldnt mind a million kicks for that happiness .

Now I lay back on the bed acting unconscious . But usually the routine is he would ask me for a defeat and he would be declared a winner . But this time , strangely even after a few seconds nothin seemed to be happening . So I secretly opened my eyes and turned back . I saw my bro a few feet above me hanging on my window pane . Oh no . "Daiiiiiii , here I come ," he jumped from there . "AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh" ...he landed on my back .... and that really hurt ( Ada pavi I thought to myself wondering where the referee had gone ..."kula vilakku " I heard a distant voice from the living room...now I knew where the referee was ( Kula vilakku is the name of the never ending serial which was partly responsible for my broken back that day .....)

"I quit " I shouted ....

John cena aka ashwin stood there , with a priceless expression of ecstasy written all over his face. He had won against the BIG SHOW . He raised his hands and shouted "I won ..." and started jumping . He was the champion and that was his 7 th consecutive victory . He was invincible . The moment of joy , his laughter and his proud look , just made my back pain vanish. These are moments which have been lost in the facades of the complicated process of growing up . We have long forgotten , the art of dreaming that is bestowed in plenty with these innocent minds , those little joys which your credit card could never buy , those joys of winning , the naive confidence that you could 'do' and 'be' whatever you wanted ..... .Well thanks a lot for reminding me of these little but most important things in life . I love you bro . Hope you too dont get lost like 'us'..

And I realised that , sometimes the true joy of winning is found in losing too....

The Birthday surprise !!!

2009-05-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

"Machan , tomorrow is her birthday and I am planning to give her a surprise " I spoke over the phone to dinesh . "Great da. enjoy machan " he replied ..."Well...err...I am going to her place now da and I want you to come with me " I reluctantly asked ..."WTF machan...Its 10 p.m da . are you crazy ??""No da . I am damn serious .....".I tried convincing him..After a lot of if's and but's I finally convinced dinesh . Phew , a good start I thought to myself .

He came in his activa and we started out on our journey at 11 . "Dai ...think again..I guess its too risky ..What if someone sees you or her parents wake up ", Dinesh kept asking the unanswerable question ..Well to be honest I was very afraid . I could not even imagine the consequences but however the thrill and the feel of surprising her somehow overcame the fear. "Whatever happens we are going machan "......

11.45 p.m...
Standing in the adjacent street "now whats the plan " I asked ..
"Fucker , we come until here and you ask whats the plan ..."
"I mean I need to go ..But I need some reassurance da...Just act as if we are brave machan .."
Till this point it was all fine but after coming there I really wanted to piss in my pants ..the heart beats had just started beating at the rate that any doctor from the tamil movies would have exclaimed "Its a medical miracle "...

"Ok listen...you wait here ..I shall call her now and then take your activa , ride it till her gate , and then give her the gift and return...simple " ...Well how I wished it was as easy as that ...

"Hi "I called her on the phone ..
"Idiot , you are too early its not yet 12 "
As if i didn't know ...."umm...well , I will be there at your gates at 12...So just come out " I tried faking a voice which knew no fear...But however my legs were shaking ( body strong ...ana basement weaku)

"wtf " ...strangely everyone scolded me the same way..."u gone nuts ...what if ...."she said ...and after 5 minutes of bashing " K ...I will come " .....( and that's the spirit honey)

"Ooooooooo....." I gave dinesh a hi five and took his bike( In case if he ever reads it he will be a happy guy coz I called it a bike ...)

"All the best da...and before you go I am really afraid of the dogs ...I cant stand here. tell me some way out "

"Ada pavi .." I cursed him ...2 minutes later there was a poor , innocent guy with a stone as huge as his head in his arms for protection against the so called evils of the street dogs and the one and only me getting ready for the action . I prayed to god that no one should come by this street for they would seriously mistake dinesh to be the "mystery-stone-killer" ...

Finally gathering my guts , I started . For once even the activa engine sound seemed to be deafening . I had just slowly given the throttle but before I even realised I was in front of her gate . I switched the engine off . But still there was some sound similar to the engine . Oh , shit ..It was my heart. I guess my blood was on a race course track inside my arteries . I gave her the coveted call and whispered "come down "...

I just looked around . There was absolute darkness except for the lone street lamp at the corner of the street . Thankfully the dogs were not there or dinesh must be engaging them in the next street I thought . Saw a shadow moving across the window panes . I took a deep breath .

I got off the bike and went near her gate and stood casually as if nothing was going to happen.

And suddenly "grrr" a voice echoed .The murphys law was working (IF something can go wrong it definitely will )...grrr ...brrr...bow bow ...a dog started barking from inside the gate .But she never warned me about the dog . Oh fuck... The lights turned on...not just at her home but even at the neighbours place . I jumped to my activa . It didnt start...Oh fuck , Please start (I even called you a bike ). .."Watchman ...Catch him " a voice shouted . Oh GOD ..."Please save me "I prayed . The activa started but not before a strong hand had come over my shoulders.... a few hours later ...inside the K4 police station "Sir , I am from a decent family . Inspector Balram , please trust me . I didn't come to steal .I just came to ...."

"Oye ..Idiot " a voice whispered ... I thought inspector Balram had a gruff voice looking at his huge physique ..But somehow strangely it sounded very sweet ...

"Oye idiot ...u alive " he again asked ...suddenly I got into my senses it was not he , it was she . I was still at the gates before I had started dreaming . Thankfully there was no MR inspector Balram , It was her , standing near the gate . She looked very beautiful ..Sleepy eyes , unkempt hair, a pink night dress , a milky white face which glowed under the moonlight and a mesmerizing smile - well , I had lost my heart yet again . Felt the same way , when I had first seen her in college three years back . "Ooops ...Happy birthday honey ...and you look damn beautiful ," I shook her soft hands . Aaaha . Feeling her palms in the midnight was certainly worth the effort ...Before I again get dreamy , I gave her the gift and said "Oye , happy birthday once again ...and will meet you tomorrow in a much better way " ....

"Thank you dumbo ...really sweet of you !!! " , She again gave her cute smile and vanished ...ha ha ....mission successful ... and what a birthday surprise !!! .. Time for me to vanish as well ....see you in the next post ...

P.S : Dinesh was safe ...To be honest the dogs were safe...

Namma Chennai !!!

2009-05-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

"Dai , You better forget her ...I am putting route for her ..." , the stern and terrifying voice of kandaswamy broke the silence . Accompanying Kandaswamy were three of his friends kuppuswamy , dina and raja all equally menacing .

"No I wont ...I have been loving her for the past 3 years ...If I don't leave her what will you do " , Munuswamy replied without any remorse .

Phatt...The sound of a slap broke through the air .

A few hours later ,
"Machan , they have kept their hands on me da ... call our guys " Munuswamy spoke frantically over the phone ...A shaky auto , 5 goons compressed inside it , the war had begun..."drive it straight to kandaswamy's home "....

"Dai , If you are born to one father , come out " munuswamy retorts ...(Its an age old dialog trying to ignite the feelings of " Respect " in the enemy in order to make him come out )

Kandaswamy comes out ...Fear showed in his eyes ...

and suddenly , the turn of events ...

"Machi , how are you ...long time ...I never knew he was your friend...I am extremely sorry boss...I will forget her ... " , and as expected one of the goons is a friend of kandaswamy and they all become friends ...( Always remember the basic rule of street fight ...whatever is the problem be the one to hit first ...else u will never get to hit back )

In case you find it familiar , you are a chennaiite or else welcome to chennai ...

Whenever there is a street fight there is just one reason ..."Area Figure "...due to gods unfavorable distribution of gals , chennai has always suffered from the scarcity of good looking gals . So as expected the hardly-available-one-very-average figure in the area gets the coveted title of "Area-figure". And though the area figure has no idea about the guys behind her , there would be n number of guys fighting amongst themselves as to who has the right to 'try' for her ...

That's how most of the friendships are made in the streets across chennai .The reasons may sometimes be even more insane than this , but however these friendships are the ones which go beyond money , status, caste , creed and everything else .... the quintessential chennai "machan " friendships which comprise of the screeching whistles at the movies , the bike races , the night-outs , the drunkard parties at the terrace , the bantering , "machan-you-also-got-a bulb-from-her" happiness , the neighborhood aunties , the cricket matches , the paneer soda , the area fights , the stomach-burning sessions at marina after seeing the couples , the dead body dances on new year eve, the thalaivar first day first show , the fast food chilli chicken ....Well though most of us were never a part of this kandaswamys and muniswamys we always loved their spirit... and how much ever we try to loathe them , some small part of our heart goes out to them ...wherever we go in chennai they are there . After all they are the ones who stand as the testimony for the "ever-smiling-ever-rocking spirit of chennai "...

As I keep writing this "Dai arun , un figura vittudhu !!! ava en alu " madasamys calls out to me....These guys never change and so does chennai...lol

Keep rocking dear kandasamys and munisamys ...

And getting reminded about the spirit and mood of chennai this video captures it all . Enjoy it and keep smiling while I return soon ...

The magic of love !!!

2009-04-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

The heart beats got faster .He could hear himself taking a deep breath for each and every Milli second . He convinced himself that it must be because he had run almost a kilometer . Few seconds later he knew for sure it was not because of that . She was coming.... He could see her through the minute gaps between the trees of the garden which stood between him and the next street. The flowers seemed to be mocking at him as they kept moving with the gentle breeze , hiding her face and when he moved to see her, they followed . Well must be because they were jealous . Not must be , Certainly they are jealous of my sandya ...my own sandya - he thought .A chill breeze swept across him....

Sandya had joined the school a month back . Her father had got a transfer from ooty to chennai . And the day he saw her he knew she was special . It was something beyond his comprehension . He used to spend the entire day watching her ... her little nose,her cute ponytail , her round eyes which spoke a strange language understood only by him , and each and every time she pushed the two strands of hair which covered her forehead , his heart would skip a beat . It was a strange feel . And when she smiled it was even more stranger.... Felt like something was stirring inside him , and it became stronger and stronger .He felt the void in his heart and sometimes the deep chasm seemed to deepen further. He forgot the entire world , it was just her . Sandya ...as the name echoed through the tunnels of his heart , he slipped into a trance ...maybe nirvana or maybe something more pure , more divine and beautiful...

"Hi , I am sandya. Can we be friends " his angel had cast a spell on him two weeks back ...They shook hands . And it slowly transformed into those never ending phone conversations ,those secret glances , those you-are-more-than-my-friend dialogs , those innocuous happy-married-life dreams and those ever sweet "I love you "dialog rehearsals before the mirror....

The chill breeze brought him back .
"Hey , sandy ...wait..What a surprise . Long time...So how was your day ", he called out.
"We spoke for three hours yesterday . That's a pretty long time I guess " she replied notoriously but he was already lost in her eyes ..

He strolled along with her while she kept talking . But somehow he could never hear . He always kept getting lost in her eyes . But however he heard what those round little eyes had to say. Only he could hear those ....

He kept walking beside her slowing his steps to suit hers . She was a bit slow . But even the rhythmic movements of her walk added to the tranquility. And suddenly the back of her palm brushed against his unknowingly . He felt an indescribable dizziness inside his head . A cold wave swept across him and he couldn't make out whether he was still in the ground or flying . "Is this heaven ", he wondered...He just looked upto the sky and wondered why people thought it was up there . A drop of rain splashed on his eyes .It had started drizzling. He knew it for sure now . He was in heaven ...

"Oye , dumbo . Do u love rains "she asked ..

"ya "...but not just the rains he mumbled to himself ...

She kept kicking at the water, which eventually landed on him .
"ha ha " she laughed .Different forms of mesmerism he thought .

In a few minutes it started pouring .
"Lets stand under the shade near that house "he told her secretly thanking the rain god .
"But why go that far . We will stand here " she replied . But before that he had almost reached the place and she had no option but to follow.

"How nice it would be if we could have some hot coffee ..."she shivered.There was not a single soul in the entire lonely street leave alone a chai-wallah .

"Do you believe in magic " he asked her..

"Ya , sometimes "...

"Then just close your eyes " he winked .

A few minutes later there she was sitting on a couch with a hot cup of coffee in her hand .

"Idiot , I will kill you . You never bloody told me that it was your home " she laughed .

"Shut up princess ..How is the coffee " he smiled ...

"Not bad Mr magician. You make decent coffees too " she gave her cutest smile till date ...

"By the way , what happened to your mom MR MAGICIAN "

" I made her vanish for I wanted some time alone with my princess " he smiled mischievously .

The laughs continued ...

He just got reminded that she was wet and went inside and took a towel . He wanted to play around and so concealed the towel at the back of his hands . He went near her . She looked at him. . She was beautiful as always .

"Oye ..I ..umm ..err." he fumbled ...she knew it . He could see it in her eyes .
"I thought you would be better off if you could use the towel " he stammered .

She took the towel threw it back and stood staring at him. She looked as if she had landed straight from heaven . She took a step towards him for another step would mean she would have to pass through him.

"So MR MAGICIAN ...tell me " ...Her mesmerizing voice echoed .

"Do you believe in magic " he again asked her ...

She just stared without replying .

He just took her palms and placed it on his heart .

"What do u feel "

She closed her eyes for a second and then looked into his eyes . It said everything . He didn't need her to talk sometimes .

"Now I shall be telling you the magic words . Listen to it carefully and repeat ."

"Ya . I am listening " she whispered .

"I love you " he said ...

There was a strange prolonged silence . Didn't know whether it was from the calm-before-storm feelings inside his heart or from the stillness of the atmosphere outside .
He looked at her . She still had her soft rosy palms on his heart . He felt a slight shiver in her palms . A little drop of of tear which was hiding itself in her heavenly pupil came down ...

"I love you too " she whispered . And she smiled innocently ...

Click ...The eternal and everlasting moment was photographed by a lightning .

He just placed his hands on her palms on top of his heart and said " Jee Boom Ba !!" he lifted her palms ...." My heart is no more here . Its all yours ......."

He gently blew away the two beautiful strands of hair across her forehead and looked into her eyes .

Resembling the motion of a flower swaying in the zephyr , she gently came forward , kissed him and whispered into his ears " I love you my dear MAGICIAN ..."

The magic is done . The magic of love .

Changing desires !

2009-04-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

1990...(age of 4 )

"Bujju , What do u want to be when you grow up ?" my mom was casually asking me trying to push in, one more handful of food into my mouth...
"Ma I want to be a doctor " I replied enthusiastically .
"Aah thats my boy . I am really proud of you . And may I know why ?? " , she asked curiously.
"To put injection to Appa " I retorted immediately ....
She soon burst into a laughing spree soon accompanied by my dad who was a silent spectator till then eavesdropping the entire conversation ...

"Ma I want to be a doctor " and thats how it started .......

1996 , (at the age of 10)

It was some function at my place . And as always swarms of my relatives had come . "Do you know me " they would ask . Honestly there were hardly 1 0r 2 that I could recognize . But as per the instructions from my mom I always replied " Oh sure aunty .. How can I forget you "...and thankfully they never asked anything beyond that..But on that day they had an extra question . As soon as they started talking with me my mom would signal them to ask as to whom I would be marrying . "Arun , who will you be marrying ".... "Kushbooo..." I would reply immediately . And what followed was the thunder bolt of laughter...
And they would again repeat the same question and I would still reply " I will marry only Kushboo"..

Seriously at that point of time my only aim in life was to marry kushboo ( sorry SUNDAR C )... And no wonder they laughed . And no wonder I laugh now....

"Ma , I will only marry Kushboo ...." the flashback keeps flashing across .

2000, (at the age of 14)

"Guruswamy , Monak Chand , Thamarai Chelvan , Sasi and me . Henceforth we shall be called The Pamous Pive "I proclaimed . And each of us placed our palms on top of each other and shouted "The Pamous Pive "...That was the time when I was addicted to novels - three investigators , secret seven , famous five and so on....So no wonder the "Pamous Pive " was my brainchild .

But unfortunately we never had neighbours who smuggled , lonely haunted bungalows where they kept a kidnapped child ( so that we could rescue them ) or secret passages at my home ..So the cases of the "Pamous Pive " included ones like collecting 10 maggi wrappers from each and every dustbin so that you could redeem them for a magic ball , ( the maggi wrappers were soon replaced by 100 lacto king wrappers for a batman pouch ) , finding a shortcut to the next street 'tanjore stores " via a old dilapted haunted bungalow ( Or thats what we thought till the day when the new inhabitants came and caught us while we were jumping over their wall ) or finding where I lost my one rupee coin in the playground for without it we would miss our "one rupee pepsi "( it is much better than our actual pepsi ... one rupee pepsi is nothing but frozen and flavored ice cubes in small plastic packets.... You have to bite on to them and make the ice melt...and obviously it tastes heavenly)

"Ma I want to be a detective " I thought to myself .....

2008 ( 7 donkeys age )

There was a deep burning smell . I was sure it was not from the gas because I was travelling in a share auto in kolkata to my office . And right in front of me were two gorgeous hotties . And right in the middle of them was the auto wallah ( Arey O... lucky dada )...He turned left , he turned right and he also drived straight . Aaah ....even I was sitting in the center . I looked to my right . Yogi da was sitting and he gave me the usual why-doesnt-it-happen-to-us look . And I turned left . Sriram da was sitting with his eyes focused on the obvious . Now I knew where the burning smell was from .....

"Ma , I now want to be an auto driver " , I sighed ....

Well , the desires do keep changing .What you desired today might not be what you desire tomorrow. But however the heart which desires is always the same . And its human nature to keep desiring .So stop arguing against desires and just let them run free..
And it is these desires that make life truly relishable . Irrespective of how small , how big , how foolish or how clever they are , these desires are always special and provide us with the most cherishable moments in life. .

Keep desiring and smile , come what may....

love phobia !!!

2009-04-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

"Macha don't know why she left me da . I feel like killing myself. In fact I just want to drive up this flyover and just dive straight into the air and finally everything would be over " .......

A awkward chill ran through my spine. Because in case if he really does something like that though the probability was very less ( because most of the love-failure categories are like politicians , they have a long list of what to do, but they never do ) , along with him will get shattered the dreams of two innocent young guys ( me and visu ....stop laughing please we are really innocent...)...Oh god u still haven't stopped laughing ...k ...a la vijay style ....Dai .....pesitirukken ellai....silence (in case u don't understand please watch this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUosDdS9Rd8 ) ....

"Oh god, I still haven't seen anything in life ...literally anything ..." Visu thought to himself ....(when a guy says he hasn't seen anything it obviously refers to ...err...You are matured readers I guess)...

"Dai , don't get emotional macha . She wasn't lucky enough da . Free da. You will definitely get a better one " I said . "Ya macha.As if there is a scarcity of girls an the city. For every muniyamma lost there is a kannama waiting in the next street " , Visu was at his usual best . Thankfully Shakeela laughed and I gave him company . As long as we crossed the flyover any distraction was welcome ...

For every muniyamma lost there is a kannama waiting in the next street ..aaha ...sometimes even the most casual gigs have a lot of intrinsic meaning hidden in it .How true , if everyone were to think like that , there would be no more ayoo-my-gf-has-left-me lamentings , tears and suicides . But I guess everything is easier said then done and until we experience the pain of it , we would never really understand it...

Somehow we got deeply affected by it and I said " good one da...dai shakeela (his nickname and please dont ask me why ) , avala freeya vidu macha , You are going to fall in love with the next decent figure we come across after the next street ." ....

"Oooooooooooo ....ya da ...machi keep driving ...aga thats an aunty ..rejected ...that one is too young...and that one is too beautiful for you " Visu went on...( Well in case you didn't know my friend visu , he is one of the rare species of mankind who could literally rape a girl just by seeing them , his sighting techniques are that dangerous ...lol..in short "kannuliye karpazhikkaradhu "))

"Ada paveengala " shakeela exclaimed ...

We were in no mood to listen ..."Macha how about that one " , Visu asked me ...."I guess her husband walking along with her won't be too happy with the proposal...". The usual laughs followed .

This is the true fun of going out with guys even the most stupidest of ideas can make your day . And there are no hassles of going to coffee day ,rather you can sip a 2rs tea and comment on anything from the low hip jeans of the girl walking by(the most important point is you can see other girls) to why nayanthara is better than namitha..No requirements for table manners , can go out with just 20 bucks in your wallet , no boring romance flicks , no need to compliment " maplai , you look gorgeous " , most importantly you can hang out late in the nights and I don't need to ask visu and shakeela to cover their faces with their hankies for the fear of getting caught...lol.. And there are just three universal topics for a guys discussion ...
girls , girls and girls... 23 years and we still haven't changed ...

And suddenly "MACHA ...Just look at that...Can you believe that ...what hands machan...so tender, so soft ( just for the sake of decency and fear of anbumani ramadoss the actual words have been camouflaged )...macha thats the one " Visu said pointing at the auto in front of us . Aaaha the game had begun . Macha follow her...

"Dai stick to the left da ...signal da...careful..."

With a few wannabe stunts , courtesy THE FAST AND FURIOUS , we managed to park our car just next to the auto .. I lowered the window glass , and there I saw in the somewhat dark yet bright lighting ( maybe from her face ) inside the auto ...The most beautiful face on the face of earth or so I thought as it was not really clear . I knew it was beautiful . Maybe I had done a grave mistake in commiting her to shakeela...Aaaaah..."

" But everything is fair in love and war "I thought to myself ....
I bet even Visu must have been thinking on the same lines ....

The signal turned green . We followed . "Macha we are supposed to go straight but they are turning right ...."

"Just follow , macha " I shouted ....Phew , this love makes even the coolest lose their cool ...

We kept following with a few divine glimpses of her hands . Those coloured bangles contrasted with her fair hands , and though we were at quite a distance , whenever she shook her hands I could hear the music here in my heart ...Love waves I thought...lol

We kept following trying to get a good glimpse of her . We had come almost 3-4 km out of our way . But who cares. " Aah , there it is . I saw her legs machan . Beautiful sandals machan " Visu
exclaimed ."Super da ", we both congratulated him with envious smiles .

The journey went on with each one us getting different forms of blessings at different junctures of time depending on the driving skills of shakeela . Not bad at all...

And finally , to our surprise , we found the auto slowing down . Guessed that was her home . "Macha this area is pretty near , So it wont be a problem ", Shakeela spoke in joy . Now suddenly even 10 km's seemed to be near. "Funny people !!! Funny world !!!" I thought to myself ...

She got down . Heavenly structure . Truly . phew . I could hear the deep sighs of the other two . Her straightened hair covered her face . We waited with bated breath for our blessings just as people wait for the first day first show of a rajni movie . the much awaited wind blew . The hair across her face just swept along with the breeze uncovering the ....

Damaaaaaaaaal !!! ( A heart breaking sound)

I know you are all expecting this ..Ha ha ..Too smart . But I am sorry to disappoint you .No heartbreaks . She was more beautiful than we had expected . Her face was just round like the full moon and was spotless . Her bangles fought with each other and again I heard the music in my heart . Her eyes were so innocent and round complementing her face .The earrings dangled in the breeze and so did our hearts .She gave a mesmerizing smile , lifting us up straight into heaven . "What a beauty "we all exclaimed .

damaaaal !!!

damaaaaaaaaaal !!!

damaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal !!!

There were three loud bursts . The last and the longest one was mine .

but why ???

a one hundredth of a millisecond back ,

"Mummy , why so late...did you buy the chocolates ", young boy came running and hugged her .

"Ayoooooooo .....Pocheeeeeeee!!!!", we all wailed together .( Its gone ...Poi pochu ...The amrutanjan ad came in front of me )

That was the end of our short but sweet love story ...

Ten minutes later, there we were again on the flyover .

And maybe now the idea of diving from the flyover wouldn't sound bad at all...........

Aaa-ha moments

2009-04-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

This post is inspired by the MOOV ad where a young model passing of as a mother of two, bends with her broom stick to clean , and the expected 'sprain ' catches up with her back and she gives an 'aaaaa' sound followed by her caring husband bringing moov for her and she concludes Aaa-ha ...and as the tag goes "AAA muthal Aaa-ha varai "...

There are lot of moments in our life where we get that Aaha feel ( other than when you use moov)...Be it those moments when a beautiful girl sits near you in a share auto ( probability is 0% in chennai but 100% in kolkatta ) , an unexpected phone call from a long time friend (and the aaha becomes aaaaaaha when its from someone of the opposite sex) , when you just-pass in an exam which you have done very badly , when the shopkeeper gives you a 10 Rs note extra by mistake , when you go to a movie to find your friend and his gf sitting in front of you and doing the censored stuff and you stay silent and pounce on him in the interval and say " macha , nice movie da " with a wicked smile and enjoy the rest of the movie while he wont be able to, when the bus jerks and a second later you find a beautiful girl lying on your lap ( sounds cinematic ...but trust me it happened to me ...good old 41D) , when you forget to take the porn movie cd from your drive and suddenly remember and return back just in time before your brother does , when you cry watching a movie ( two possibilities it might be after watching an extremely bad one like ananda thandavam- in fact that's an ayoo moment rather than an aaha one or a damn good one like 7g rainbow colony ) , when you release gas and your friend is branded as the culprit ( according to the law of one-who-releases-gets-the-smell-first theory) , and the list is endless .

I am still in my nostalgia mode and I am still yet to recover from my previous "3rd standard "story. So just continuing with the feel of it ...

It was the rainy season in chennai . ( trust me , I am not lying, we do have a rainy season ) . Jumping across the small potholes filled with water , few times missing the mark ending up splashing some water on my feet , few times landing correctly , I kept walking with the drizzling raindrops falling on my face . The mesmerising smell of the fresh sand , people running here and there with umbrellas , the leaves of the trees which looked so green and suddenly pour a shower on you when the wind blew across , the cycles which splashed the water on innocent by walkers , and the heavenly dark clouds which seem to be engulfing the entire sky ....The rainy season though scarce is always a delight . I prodded my way through the delightful streets , splashing the water with my Hawaii slippers , and a few times trying a la maradona style kick across the water ...I was on my way to school . I was in my fourth standard . Thank god ( else I would have been sleeping under my bed sheet because the school was closed for students up to 3rd standard and would have missed all these).

"Hi da. Why da, so late " asked my friend visu ."My cycle had a punctured tyre . So had to walk all the way " , I replied . Inside the class , few of my friends were wearing their sweater , and I could see opened umbrellas and raincoats hanging at the corner of the room . And there was a unique fragrance, courtesy the rainy season , which always filled my senses with a strange sense of delight .

The classes had begun and somehow the first 3 periods passed of without me even realizing them. and then came the good news . Nalini miss was absent . So the next two hours would be free . "Ooooooooo" we gave a boisterous shout . And as always , any classroom without a teacher would easily put even the mariyamma-song-playing loudspeakers during the amman season to shame ...Our class was no exception .
The commotion became loud louder loudest.

As luck would have it , the most feared Mrs mathilda miss was in our next class . Within few minutes the party had ended ....The fear had come true . As we all stood shell shocked , Mrs Matilda stood to her reputation and after 5 minutes or so of heavy blood-same-blood-type scolding we were all asked to stand up on the bench ( the basis for the 'primary education ' system in India ) .

Thank god she left . Standing on the bench was much better and we were much used to it compared to the scoldings . One hour passed by and I felt a strange feel .Well not exactly a strange feel , I wanted to answer nature's call . I looked at my friend's mickey mouse watch . The clock struck 12 and it also struck me that there was one more hour left to go . Oh...no...

Phew , I looked around . Everyone seemed deeply engrossed in their own thinking . 15 minutes passed ...well , thats it , I decided and walked straight to the other class and said "Excuse me".
I met the angry and ferocious eyes of Mrs matilda . I explained . "Get lost and don't move till the next period ".....oh ....no.......

I came back and stood . Tried lifting the right leg . no effect . then left. no effect . bent a bit forward . a bit backward ...No respite .

30 minutes passed . Looked back again at the Mickey mouse watch . Never knew the second hand was so slow . Cursed the one who invented such a slow second hand to my hearts content and again stood . 40 minutes had passed . 20 more left to go . But I guess that was it . I couldnt control

A nauseating stinking smell surrounded the room . The decibel levels of the giggles slowly started increasing . The smell was spreading all over . The class got into the whisper mode and I could hear them .Oh god . Why did this happen . I just pulled up my guts and just turned around .And I saw my friend rajesh with droplets dripping from his trousers and tears falling across his cheeks ...

"Oh god ...What have you done " , Mrs matilda exclaimed .

A few minutes later , there was the happiest man on earth , standing tall and proud , in one of the most disgusting and smelliest place on the face of earth - our school toilet .....Phew ....Finally ...What a relief ........Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

A truly memorable Aaa-haa moment . Aaaa-haaaaaaa

I guess you must also be recollecting your aaha moments . These moments add to the flavors of life complementing the phrase "Life is beautiful" . Perhaps most of us will fail to recognise those moments when it happened dismissing them as insignificant , but however few moments just stay beyond time carving out the words 'eternal' in the colorful canvas of our lives . Keep enjoying these simple but beautiful Aaha moments ....and in case u loved this post drop an Aaha in the comments...lol

Once upon a time .....

2009-04-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

Long ago , at the dawn of Jan 13Th , 1986 was born , yet another useless addition to the earth ...and you guessed it right it was none other than me. and then .......hmmmm .....well even I am getting bored ...So lets not go back so far .

Once again long , but not very long ago , I was in my third standard. The age where we thought we could be anything and everything we wanted . Where the dreams had no limits , no apprehensions , no discouragements , no self doubts ..phew lovely old third standard . Being more specific ..lovely old third standard 'C' section...

"Arun its already 8 and you are still not out of your bed..the auto will be here anytime " ...and there I was dreaming about a world with no maths homework , no Mrs Rachael Jacob (our class teacher/science teacher aka terror) , no kalpana sundaram (our class leader who always used to write my name first on the board in between each and every period when the dreaded ritual of ' MINDING THE CLASS ' was going on) , and no Ramani Matthews ( our mallu geography teacher who had an unusual way of pronouncing each and every word with the letter 'o' - and adding to it she kept spitting unknowingly with each and every word she spoke ... still remember the front benchers trying all their tactics producing awkward movements thereby escaping from the saliva trajectory ..and the joy they get on escaping each and every shower ...priceless ) and our yoga teacher who in the name of some 'never ever able to pronounce ' asana asks me to interchange my hands and legs , to stand but not to stand , to sit but not to sit , and on top of it asks me to keep smelling with one nostril closed and in case I do it wrong she comes close and asks me to smell again...wish she would take bath some day or the other ...and suddenly the realization comes - I am getting late to school .

I quickly brushed , took a bath and put on my shirt and trousers ( the uniform version of patta patti ) and whoaaaa ...I was just in time for the auto .. With the usual fight with my junior , 2nd standard hema for the allocation of seats inside the auto ,finally I just about managed to make it on time .

The day was Thursday and thankfully there was no geography or yoga period . The only worry was Mrs Rachael Jacob's science class which was scheduled as the third period .

The first two periods went off smoothly and now it was time for the science class oops sorry science period . Mrs Rachael, my class teacher/science teacher arrived with her usual cunning , wicked , baleful and evil look adding more fears to my premonition .

"Sri gurub yo namaha" the chorus of the class broke the silence .

She began " I have received a few complaints from parents saying that most of you here don't have the habit of wearing an underwear " ....what the fu@$..well not exactly , I used a much subdued version but I don't remember what it was exactly ...anyway the emotion is conveyed I guess ..

"Oh god " I thought to myself . Now in case you are thinking as to why I am tensed it simply means that you have not been reading this post carefully as I had already thrown you a clue beforehand . Anyway if you still haven't found it out , bad on your part . Go to the first line of the 4th paragraph .(lazy buggers . k . I will reproduce them for the sake of my readers )

I quickly brushed , took a bath and put on my shirt and trousers

That's precisely and exactly what I did .I never had the habit of wearing an underwear because I was one of the rebels during those days and I always believed an underwear served just one purpose.

In case your shorts tore your underwear would protect your so called 'manam ' ( the word usually associated with kannagi or simply put - your honour ) .

And I didn't wear one because :

If ever my shorts tore it would be because of either my yoga classes or other breathtaking antics .But however they would mean that even my underwear would tear because such were the extremity of the asanas taught . So either way 'manam' is gone so why take the pain .

To this day I am astounded at the brilliance of my logical reasoning abilities at such a young age .

The thinking process was suddenly disturbed by the announcement that she would be coming personally to each and everyone and we had to show her the top part of our underwear . Thankfully since we were in our third standard we didn't understand the real possible repercussions of this bizarre checking .

Well , now what do I do . I ain't giving up so easily . I took my handkerchief inserted it inside my shorts and tried rehearsing it to my friend . "Wonderful . No way she can find out ", he applauded me . whoaaaaa . "well done arun ..go ahead", I told myself.

She was nearing me . A few signs of perspiration started showing up on my forehead . But unfortunately the kerchief had a different job at hand now .Arun show me yours she said . I did exactly as rehearsed but unfortunately the one I had was a ladies handkerchief and the beautiful pink flower at the end of the hankie showed up . aga .

For the next few minutes my ears had gone into the mute mode . I could see her yelling at the top of her voice .I could just see.... She was at her evil best . "You bloody , trying to disguise a hanky for an underwear . Get out of the class ". Well , mission failure .

Now I was an 'OUT-STANDING' student. Though I have bagged the title a lot many times throughout my school never was it for a reason as great as this . There were few more unfortunate souls to give me company . But still I stood with my head high as if I had won a 'Bharat Ratna ' award .

Unfortunately for me , the principal was on rounds that day and she saw us . And as unfortunate as it could get , she asked me "Whats the reason ?? " . "I didnt wear my underwear " , I told her proudly . An uncontrollable smile gushed across her face which was soon accompanied by the boisterous giggles from my fellow "underwear wearing" classmates .

Well , one thing was for sure . I started wearing my underwear from that day onwards . And the tradition continues till date . Thanks to the awe inspiring ritual by Mrs Rachel Jacob .

Ahem ...Ahem...So all is well that ends well......

Why me ????

2009-04-09T03:22:00.000-07:00

It was yet another extremely hot day in chennai. With the sun blazing above my head and streams of sweat pouring down from my forehead , I gently glided my hands across the curves . The to and fro motion began to get frantic . I rubbed harder .Still no respite .She was not giving in . I decided not to give up . Started rubbing again with such a frenzied jittery motion that anyone who saw me would have mistaken me to be electrocuted (nothing else perverted minds) . aaahhh .... Finally she gave in . I heaved a sigh of relief.

"BLOODY KAAKAS(crows) ....FUCK U " I cried with a victorious grin . A bloody crow with a stomach upset( I am 100% sure it was a severe loose motion ) had mistaken myself and my bike for ...err whatever is the name you give to a place where a crow is supposed to shit....And here I was struggling for the past 15 min rubbing of the dried shit from my unicorn ..and to all those people who are reading please ,the next time you feed a crow in the name of a religious ritual ,you better offer it something decent to eat or otherwise please don't feed because usually the effects are borne by innocent by passers depending on the strategic location of the crow . Finally , I was done with the cleaning of my bike and was starting to walk towards my place when I suddenly saw the 'downstairs mami ' coming ...."aga" I told myself .

"Enna pa ??? tcs velai pakkura ???ennum car vangalaya ?? "(You are working in tcs ...why not a car???) she asked with a mischievous smile ....aaarghhhhh I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT ...
"Eppo pa USA pora ???"...........(When are you leaving for the states?? )

From the time I got placed in TCS which was two years back I always had to face this question . Sebbaaaaaaaa....hoping that one day the old mamis , pattis ,mamas ,uncles and thathas will get to read my blog , I am answering it now ...

Anyone who is in software does not mint money .Honestly though we get paid its not as exaggerated as you people think . True that there are lot of people earning in lakhs but mostly those are the guys who have been here for a long time. And for heavens sake I am not one of them . I make enough just to spend on myself and my girlfriend . Thats about it. So no more enquiry about my car ...

And coming to the USA TRIP ...Its true that many are usually sent to the US .But it depend on their project and depends most importantly on their client .And as a fresher you have no choice in picking up a client .My client is the unheard ALLAHABAD BANK ( My friends in the US still think I am working in a PCO booth...) ...Its a nationalized bank for those of you who haven't heard of it .And my on site would include places like tirupur , erode , karaikudi , kancheepuram and name any village and I have a fair chance of finding myself there ....lol....This is it about my life ...And I have been put in the most uncomfortable position of answering the same dreaded cliche question again and again....

So finally I am putting an end to this torture...yahooooo ...I have decided to go for an mba ...those endless mock cats , unsolvable quantz problems , verbal nightmares ,unpredictable gds and pi's have finally borne fruit . shebbaaaa ...finally I have got an admit . Yup , I am joining BIM, a decent B school ...and most importantly no more queries from mami.

Whistling away and enjoying my vetti days I was just strolling through my street ...the same old mami was coming in front of me...ha ha ...I told myself this time she wont be able to ask me anything .....yeaahhhhhh ...what a feel ...finally I am a relieved man ...This time for a change I gave her the mischievous smile and said "good evening mami "....

" enna pa panra??? " she enquired amused at my eagerness ..."mami I am going to do my MBA at BIM " I replied happily.....

"EN PA THAMBI !!! IIM'LA PANNA VENDIYATHU THAAANEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!"

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh .....again the the damage had occurred ....I give up ....Now this will be the
next question for the next two years.....

sebaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......................

Well I guess I got to live with these.....lol

THE GANG !!!!

2009-04-07T07:06:00.002-07:00

Well before I go further into my next post I need to introduce the gang to you people .

bajji aka azhagu (non-native speakers may pronounce it as alagu as it would sound stylish and apt for our leader ) :

Mr azhagu holds the most coveted position of the gang leader with his responsibilities involving planning the outings , getting the gang together , playing the mediator and of course the only one who can listen to neela and vani patiently . In his free time he has authored many books in the MADE EASY SERIES like "CORRECTING FIGURES MADE EASY " , "BECOMING HANDSOME MADE EASY" and you name the topic and you have the 'made easy series' by Mr balaji ....He is a living example of the adidas logo nothing is impossible, for I had been with him when he took us to saarang and got us ten tickets for a Shankar Mahadeven show whose tickets were sold out a month ago .(mind you ,we went there just an hour before)...He is a record holder under anna university for the maximum exploitation of re-evaluation technique for passing . I am sure he will make it big in life for his attitude is worth its weight in gold .

arvind aka daddy :

Rock star , model , playboy are all the adjectives that he would want to describe himself with ...Though we have never ever heard him play guitar for always there is some problem with the tuning or the song but somehow he has made us believe that he is a rockstar in the making ...god knows how he managed that..other than that he has acted in a few b grade albums which never released . He spends most of the time in damage control mode against the various ineffective tactics used by neela while fighting with him .and his one liners are pretty famous " naanga ellam yaaru ....raja da" ...lol...On a serious note , a great guy to be with , a true rockstar at heart , the embodiment of patience and in case you guys have given up on life because you have been scolded very badly by your gf , hold , look down no more , its time you called this guy .A very ambitious guy (to the extent that we plan to open a soup stall or a tea kadai one day ), and loves flirting with girls ( anything from venthathu to vegathathu as long as its a gal excepting for the bollywood gay poppy) ...Well thats daddy in a nut shell for you guys .

Dinesh a.k.a DB :

The brainiest in our gang , has the knack of cracking any exam under the sun by putting the least effort (if any at all) ...Db was responsible for increasing my english vocabulary by a count of one . For without him I would never have known the meaning of 'stoic' . Lazy smart bugger is what I would call him . Unperturbed by whatever is the situation and giving his lazy smile , he is ready for any outing anytime . His dream is to become a tamil movie producer . And not a single day passes when I dont pray for his wish to come true because in case he ever does become a producer then I know what I would be asking from him as a treat(I am already drifting into my dreams ) ...lol ..and thats exactly why he wants to be a producer...

harish a.k.a suppy or chappai( vani's version ...no pun intended ...lol) :

In this world , where innocence is considered a taboo , this guy brings us a welcome sigh of relief . If ever there was a poll on the most innocent person in the world , he would be topping it . Suppy is the superman of our gang . The man has got a fan club in orkut and the proud owner of our gangs ferrari (the green colored zen) . Has the knack of shouting( rather whispering) at people on the road in such a way that he himself can hardly hear it . Mostly he is deeply contemplating about something or atleast thats what it looks like or is on a trip to some temple . He has been a regular visitor of gym ( yup , just a visitor) ...famous for the day when he fainted after lifting an empty rod without weights . All said , he is one of the most inevitable member of the gang .Summing it up his tagline would be

"ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE HIM !!!!!"

vani aka sani (cow dung) :

"Mother vani " as she rightly calls herself has nothing to do with mother theresa and simply signifies her 'age defying looks'( believe me she is 24 though you think she is 60) . She is the typical do gooder and has the honor of being responsible for the formation of couples inside our gang. At the first look you would dispose her off as lady villain from one of the tamil flicks but on knowing her better you would realize she is far more dangerous ( coz her mokkais and cribbings are highly injurious to your ears ) . Though she tells us she studied in Church park . We still have our doubts as to whether she was referring the corporation school behind that. Jokes apart, a true gem of a person . always there for everyone in the gang and without her honestly the gang would never have happened .She is currently a -'maarketing caard inator ' (or thats how she says ) in boron - a company whose name she will never ever be able to pronounce correctly .

Neela aka crybaby :

A true church park product , 100 % peter , known for crying at the drop of a hat, she adds to the diversity of different characters in the gang . A very caring ,hardworking and a nice person , she belongs to the padips category .Without her tantrums thrown at daddy , our gang outings would never have been so lively . Crazy about getting photographed , has a great photogenic face and the moment you take your camera out, she is right there in front of you with a great smile and a 30 degree slant of the head (see the pic and you would understand ) . Has the habit of inviting the gang to the most unusual of events like 'ear piercing of her sister's daughter ' etc...My only companion when it comes to eating non veg , she is yet another gem to the gang.

Manju aka RAMU -THE ELEPHANT:

She is our gangs version of Ramalinga Raju . Be it getting duplicate project bills , her so called temple visits , her hair straightening- everything points to a raju in the making . Known for her knack of pulling of lies in such a refreshing manner , she is so addicted to telling lies that she would rather hide under her bed at her home and tell her mom that she would be coming late rather than telling her that she is very much at home..lol..But having said all this , her attitude towards life , is probably what everyone must learn from her . Be it whatever that life gives her , she doesnt complain ,rather goes about chasing her dreams and finally does fulfill it..A true winner in life , and honestly there could be no other better example for perseverance and the strength of love. I am still left pinching myself , unable to believe that she has left to the US for ......umm...anyway all said , great going manju ...

divya aka dubai :
She is married . So no comments ...

and of course me. I guess I need no introduction to you.

OUR MOTTO:

" NAANGA ELLAM VETHU VETTU , AANA ATHA OTHUKKUTHAAN MANASU VARALA "
(" we are all dumb asses but we shall never accept that")

Well that's it about the gang .These guys are the most important people in my life . They were an integral part of the eventful life I had in SVCE. Now that you are familiar with the members of my gang please do proceed with the story that follows ...

Dad ...I miss you...

2009-04-07T03:42:00.000-07:00

Dear dad ,

Hi dad. How have you been all these days . Its been a long time since we spoke . But now I have decided to break the silence. I just want to say something to you .Something that I always wanted to tell but didn't ....

I am sorry pa ...Yes , I am Sorry for whatever I have done (honestly for whatever I have not done )........
I have always wanted to tell you this but I couldn't and I have been living with that pain throughout my life .....

I still remember the day when I had failed for the first time in an exam .It was the dreaded tamil exam and I had failed . I just couldn't stand the humiliating look from my teacher or the ignominy of having to look at the answer sheet sitting amidst my class mates. I broke down . From my school till our home , I was walking with tears leaving a silent trail behind me . A trail of humiliation , sorrow and pain . As all these emotions tried to overcome each other one emotion stood tall trampling the others . It was fear . Fear about how you would react to this . Well , I just couldnt think of standing in front of you and narrating the entire ordeal . Just when I reached our gate , I wanted to turn back and run away. But instead I ran into my room , pushed my head into the pillow which temporarily hid the shame on my face .

Dont know for how long , but I lay down still, with uncontrollable tears giving me constant company . I felt a hand on my shoulders . I didn't have to turn in order to tell it was yours . I knew it . "What happened ?" you asked me. I tried hard but couldn't face you . Crying with my head hanging in shame ,"I have failed in the exam . ".....silence .....Well , i didn't know what to expect . But somehow strangely the silence prolonged . 5 minutes later I just struggled raising my head 30 degrees to find my dad in his tracks and he called "how about a match "....(I don't know why but you never spoke a single word about my exam)

What a match we had that day . I was giving whatever I had in me to win the game. There was a new vigor , a sense of fearlessness and unusual overdose of confidence . I won it that day . Won it in straight 3 sets . He came up to me and said "You might lose one day and maybe keep on losing. . but you should never stop playing.For one day you will definitely win .And what matters the most is Whatever happens the game must go on ....

Very true dad though the subject of tamil has hardly any relevance to my life now the experience of facing a failure and standing back again was priceless. As you said it was just the beginning . There were a lot more failures in life . More painful ones including the day you left us ......

But however the game must go on ....

You taught me what life was all about . And the day when I was lying in your lap in an auto on the way to the hospital because I had food poisoning I saw your eyes and asked you something ..Do you remember... . "Dad , will I die " ...You gave me a smile and said it was just a normal food poisoning and there was nothing to worry ...I was relieved realizing my foolishness , but little did I know that the same question would again be asked ...

"Will I die ?"
But this time you were asking me . I didn't have an answer ... I just remember those eyes filled with tears and sorrow when you looked at me and said take care of your brothers and mom .

I am sorry dad I couldn't answer . I couldn't do anything ......

I am sorry dad...

In fact the year before that , I hardly spoke to you because I thought you were making a big fuss out of a small stone in your stomach or at least that is how you made me believe. I know now that you did it on purpose make us isolate you so that when you leave us we wont feel the pain . But now it pains more .

One fine day , You came up to me and said "Son , I have got cancer and may leave anytime .So I want you to be strong and take care if anything happens ". What strength you had dad .You said it in the most unassuming and nonchalant manner . But however those were not just words , they had slowly transformed themselves into my endless tears in front of our bathroom mirror , those sleepless nights that I spent staring at you for the fear that maybe I wont be able to see you the next morning , those never ending curses hailed at each and every god of each and every religion , those badminton rackets which are still lying amidst the cobwebs behind our bathroom door ......

Dad I miss you ...

And finally , you better be sorry to amma . While you were lying down peacefully inside the ICU with not even a battling of the eyelid , amma was struggling to keep her tears down as she was scrolling through some religious book frantically reciting each and every mantra . I could see through her sleep deprived puffed eyes the pain and the suffering . She finally broke down only to be aggravated by an ever increasing pacifying relatives . My body shudders even today whenever I am reminded of that . But however she is doing a great job in taking care of us. Amma has always been extremely strong both mentally and emotionally except for the few instances when ashwin asks her as to where you are . Ashwin still doesn't know about what had happened to you because he was just two years when you left us . But anyway , as you always said

The game must go on .........

Though we take amma for granted and always take her on a ride she somehow manages us all and does a great job . Good selection dad . You were a lucky guy .

I know you are there somewhere near us , keeping a watch and blessing us in all our endeavors...

I just wanted to say I love you dad and I miss you so much .....

love,
arun

Watha ummaley !!!!!

2009-03-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hazy smoke all around , horns blaring , a vaguely visible red light  ( god knows why the red lights followed by an area always refers to a that...) Anyway the red light here has no connection to that.  With motors of each and every company competing with each other as to who coughs out loud, the array of vehicles stood along the stop line resembling a bunch of runners all set to go.The share autos who teach us the art of utilizing space be it inside or outside autos , the buses with every alternate one sitting near the window propelling a jet of paan and maneuvering it so that the trajectory just about misses your face , the quintessential chennai cycle wallahs  devoid of all traffic rules and intended to provide training to every biker in applying the long forgotten art of applying brakes ,  the Yama's service providers -the  water tankers , tha auto guys ( the ones who would insert a rod into your ass and come to fight with you saying your hole is not compatible so you got to pay him extra) ,the guys who forget that a two wheeler is not a three star hotel room and indulge in their wildest of fantasies with an equally cooperative girlfriend  , add to it the smoke coming out from the stomachs of the not so lucky ones , who are  of course alone in their bikes introspecting as to how come they were devoid of all these ...And as the law book says the guy who is having a ball of a  time looks so bad that even u could pass of as a Brad Pitt in comparison , whereas the gal is a stunner ,...the rules never change ...and so do the ever increasing population of
"I don't have a figure " guys ...

Well its all nearly done with the entire traffic system of Chennai in front of you ...Oops Ialmost forget , the dada of Chennai traffic , MR MAMA as they are fondly called ,the traffic policemen , with the most sophisticated gadgets or as they make it make it out to be , right across every signals and the most peaceful roads where you were just about testing the maximum speed your bike can go , abracadabra , there appears our very own mama , from where ??? how??? when??? are the questions for which I could never find answers ...but somehow they are there, followed with rs 50 to rs 500 automatically moving from your pocket to mama's pocket depending on your acting skills and the your capability to evoke emotions( the story might range anything from a sick mother's medical charges to an about to be  late tuition class )...amidst all this commotion stood a blue unicorn .

Why a blue unicorn all of a sudden ...Absolutely no suspense , that's my bike and I have got to keep the story moving. I was  in my unicorn having a gala time with ' obviously you know who is sitting behind' ...dont remember what we were talking about and thank god I don't ... coz I am sure and I truly believe in statutory warning " listening to other couples talk even for a few seconds might be extremely injurious to your ears and mental health...". dont know why even the most boring of topics if at all you have one  seem to interesting when you are in love ...( well honestly there are hardly times when you really have a topic , leave classifying it as boring or interesting )

And just about when I get a little bit closer to the one sitting behind , the light goes green ....Vroommmmmm ...there is a great uproar and with and every vehicle competing for its own space the journey begins ...

"Otha ummale , veetula sollitu vanthutiya "the auto wallah shouted to a cycle wallah .I Hate to translate it ." otha ummale , have you already informed at your place " ....lol...few things lose their charm when translated. Well it typically means have you decided to die in an accident .Anyways in case you were wondering why I didnt translate "oatha ummale " .Dont worry you will get the answer soon ...

And hold , you have got company , Its not just you who has got this doubt , the brilliant person sitting behind me also had the same doubt .

she: "arun ,what did he say"

me : "nothing di...just like that .. anyway at what time is our show ??

she : "Who cares,but you better tell me what he said and what it
means" .

I thought watha ummale entha ponnungale eppadithaan ...

me : "Otha ummale " ..

she : "What???"

me : "Otha ummale ...O..T..H...A....... U..M..M..A..L..L..E ....GOT IT ???"....

she : "Atha ammale "

me : nope its not atha ammale ...OTHA ...O AS IN OASIS AND THA AS IN PASTHA ..and followed by ummale and not ammale like UM AS IN GUM AND ALLEY AS IN ALLEY ..now try..

she : watha ummale ( trying to get an english accent to it ...Why are we so obsessed with the slang...at least leave these feel good tamil words alone ...)

me : not bad...but try getting the slang out of it

she : waatha...cha ..wootha ...nope ...otha ummaleyyyyyyyyyyy...hurray I got it

me : perfect...great now that you have pronounced it right I guess its time you start using...

and before I could really complete the sentence an auto wallah took a sudden left leaving me ramming my brakes just to miss the auto by a few inches ...

"OTHA UMMALEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY" , I HEARD SOMEONE SHOUT ....

Well , it didn't come from the auto driver ....Yup , it was the voice of a girl and it came right from behind me ...the student had perfected the art...

"Adi paavi" , I shouted

Before the auto driver could come out from the shock ( well , it was not just the auto driver alone ,add to it the entire crowd waiting for the bus ,the curious onlookers from inside the auto who were peeping their heads out to see who the contemporary revolutionary was , the shell shocked adjacent bikers, and of course ME ...) and start of with his string of venom , I just raised my throttle to its maximum ,thanking Honda motors for the pick up...vrooom I raced....5 minutes later there we were laughing our hearts out in some unknown road at some unknown place in the city with just a lonely laundry wallah at the corner to give us company...What an experience

Well , what fun it was...We just couldn't stop laughing ... to put it in a better way watha ummale what fun we were having....those were the days when there was no work pressure , no mba dreams , no deadlines , no gds , no p.i 's , no recession ( probably I would not even have bothered knowing what it was then ) ...those were the days when I had no money but still lots of fun , life 's only worry was where to go out the next day. How I wish i could get those days back

Sorry i just got carried away....the giggles continued and lost amidst them were all worries about the world , the impending semester exams , guys hitting on my gal , worries about what if her parents were to say "EVA ,NAMMA AVA ELLAI" , and the scary option of getting caught by the MAMA as I could see my speedometer needle wavering across the 100 mark....

I think 10 minutes was too long a time for her brains to have stop working , and as my fate would have it , her brains again started working and the inevitable question had come
"What is OTHA UMMALLEY ??????????????????????"

(To be continued )
(http://coffee-with-life.blogspot.com/2009/03/it-was-ten-minutes-to-12.html )

Watha ummaley (continued)

2009-03-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

It was ten minutes to 12 .The soft rustling sound from the trees mystically combined with the silence of the darkness producing a rather strange sense of tranquility . With the fading street lamps far across the horizon and the beautiful moon peeping out through the veils of the clouds , there I was lying on top of the tank on my terrace. The trees swayed sending a whiff of cool breeze across my face. Felt like heaven . there is something special with darkness . Though it has always been associated with negativity I believe its just an illusion . Darkness is beautiful .It does something special to you that you begin to wonder how the most romanticized sunny day has robbed people of the ecstatic pleasures hidden in the darkness of the night.The so called eeriness crawls through your spine giving you a strange chillness but however even that adds to the grandiose of the night .With the silence getting more and more profound , it was just me and the starry sky enveloping all around me getting to enjoy all of these.

" Wish you were here.....
.....so you think you could tell
heaven from hell " ....floyd was mesmerizing me, coming to life through the earphones of my W810.

These guys are the gods when it comes to playing these psychedelic rock . Call it mesmerism or the strange art of losing your senses , but still there somewhere between the conscious and the subconscious ...the music continues ...and you slowly transcend to another world, a world just known to you ...with each and every chord stuck , the higher you go , whoaaaaa maybe I dont know the wright brothers or can neither afford MR Mallyas kingfisher but with floyd playing at their best , I was flying ....It felt so light , my mind was empty , a soothing feel throughout each and every part of my body ... 'wish you were here ' it continued.........

What a day it had been . I was just recollecting each and every moment when suddenly the question popped out "WHAT IS OTHA UMMALE ". Well , on any other day this question would not even have got a first thought leave alone pondering over it and i would have simply said it means motherfucker . But today I was in a different plane or atleast that was how I convinced myself . maybe there is more to it ...

"OTHA UMMALEY " . Its a statement . Its a way of life ...

10th jan , 2000

Taking a deep breath , there I was standing with must be a lot more than a bucket of sweat on my face .Accompanying me were the equally tensed faces of 2o more guys and a equally or must be more tensed goalkeeper . It was the penalty shoot out and getting the ball across the goal would not just mean a victory ,it would end the pathetic consecutive losses that our team had faced against the seniors . This was the closest we ever came to winning thanks to the injury of their best player and we knew we never might get to see this day again. Phew ,that was a lot of pressure . there were no cups to be won but it was the feeling of walking across the field with your heads high . It was about that OTHA UMMALE feel ..
"OTHA UMMALE ,I am going to do it " , I told myself.

The whistle blew and I started of slowly towards the ball gaining momentum in each and every stride and "whoof" the ball glided with my foot brushing against it. for the next few microseconds every heart had stopped beating .The goalkeeper swung across his right side stretching his hand to the maximum .
"yaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" the thunderous sound broke the silence of the field and before I could realise what was happening I was lifted into the air by a bunch of my team mates and whoa we had won it . OTHA UMMALE we had done it . OTHA UMMALE to the seniors . What an OTHA UMMALE feel.."OTHA UMALEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" we shouted in unison.....

17th august , 2005

" Macha , I proposed to her yesterday. I dont know how I had the guts to do it. But somehow I told her da . And you know what . She had been waiting for me to tell her this . She knew all this before ...ooooo....She said ok machan.whoaaaaaaa"

These words would mean nothing for anyone except for the fact that it had changed the lives of two people . To one it brought the start of a new life and to one it brought the end........

And the one to whom these words brought the end was none other than me . It still hurts even to type those words . How could she do it??? but why?? and what about all those moments we spent together ??? but didnt she say she likes me ??? is everything a lie ??? ...there were only unanswered questions . And for a few seconds it felt dizzy , like falling through a deep chasm and strangely I never seemed to hit the bottom . Something was pulling at my heart . Seemed like it was getting heavier with each passing minute . It was something I had never experienced before and would pray to gods though I am an atheist that no one should ever get to experience that . In plain simple words it was pain..pain and more pain . The entire world came to a stand still . the pain was just increasing proportionately with the time . Though I used to be a critic of all those dumb poets who equated the loss of a loving one to the pain of death , for once when it comes to experiencing that yourself even death seemed to an understatement.
I kept walking . I didnt know where I was going .
otha ummaley it hurts ....otha ummaley entha ponnungaley eppadi thaan ....
otha ummaley gimme the strength to keep going....
"otha ummaleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy "I kept mumbling closing my eyes and looking up at the open sky wishing for the pain to transcend up somewhere out of my reach ....These words meant the entire life to me at that moment .

JAN 19th , 2006.

It was just another usual day with no clue or foresight about the same day going to be the greatest day in my life. The clock struck 8 indicating that I had just whiled away yet another hour in my life .Anyway it doesnt matter. I am not that stingy with time . Bored to death I switched on my computer with MR BILL GATES'S invention taking yet another few minutes from my life .

"KATHAL SEITHAL PAVAM " suddenly a voice interrupted . Nothing to worry it was my k750i ringing . "Oh god ...Who is this? " I exclaimed struggling hard to get my seat off the sofa seat . It was an unknown number . Must be the vodaphone guys or the usual "Is it kabeer basha beef stall???" wrong no. With so many permutations and combinations on who the one was I took the phone and said "hello". There was no response from the other end . Hello I said again. After a few seconds of silence a girl's voice said 'Hi , do you remember me??' . Wouldn't I? How could I forget that voice ? the voice that had made my world go around and had made me crazy . Two years had passed , but the memories were still fresh. Watha ummale she is back .Watha ummale my life is back ....watha ummmmmmmmmaleeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

A month later , there we were sitting at the premier of the movie "the emily rose"(you obviously know the reason why I chose a horror flick) at the cornermost seat in satyam cinemas .Add to it the ingredients like her tight grip which used to border between pain and pleasure depending on the intensity of the horror scene , the popcorns and cold coffees which filled the gaps if any when we didnt speak , and the giggles for which no one including us would be able to give an explanation." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa "sreamed the speakers . "aahhhh" (the different and softer one )sounded through my brains as she gripped my hands . watha ummaley life is really funny ...Watha ummaley ,the one whom I lost is back with me . Watha ummmmmaaaaaaaaaleyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

Well watha ummaley ....What does it mean exactly ??? For me its a way of life . Its an atitude towards life . Be it the sorrow , victory , happiness , joy ,ecstacy , pain or whatever be the emotions "watha ummaley" captures the essence of every emotion . Well its a word which you would hear across each and every street of chennai , used in various contexts . I think it brings out the quintessential local flavour of chennai bringing in a deep philosophical context with it . Watha ummale is what you are feeling right now .Its about what you want to be . Its about your dreams .Its about our strength to bounce back each and every time we fall.....

watha ummale to our dreams !!!

Watha Ummale to our success !!!

Watha Ummale to our failure !!!

Watha Ummale to our joy!!!

Watha Ummale to our pain !!!

Watha Ummale to our life !!!!!

Watha Ummmmmmaleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!

When do I ever get to shit !!!!!

2009-03-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

You must be wondering 'What a weird and disgusting title ??'...and in case you thought it's going to be about my hour long struggles in the bathroom ...Oops...I m sorry...You guessed it wrong...

It was yet another normal boring Sunday evening , with nothing useful to do .Sitting in the century old rocking chair ( I bet they would have been a boon to the horror genre of Indian cinema) I was whiling away my time watching the people across the streets ...A small pani puri pavement shop , hordes of young guys surrounding it , "Anna , one more " you could hear them shout , an old lady with a 6 year old child who was all set to scurry across the road if not for the tight grip of her nanny on his hand , a beggar searching through the hordes of junk to find if there was something remotely edible to be found , the colorful young girls coming out of the tuition center with a smile and hugging a notebook , the 60+ walkers with fancy nighties and nike shoes huffing and panting with each step, and of course how could I forget the most integral members of my area , yup ,the 'theru naays'-the street dogs who were having fun playing their version of hide and seek with the innocent walkers ...what a visual delight...sometimes even the most mundane of activities seem interesting.
With such an idyllic setting drifting to my past was inevitable ...of course the tortoise coil was zooming in and out....

2007 , Jan 19th ....

At the corner of the room , I was resting against the pillow , listening to Mr A.R , thinking about someone special...Yes , I was in love ...Those phone calls which kept on prolonging though we promised it would be the last minute coz the bill was increasing , those secret letters , the moments spent just getting lost in her eyes , those cute nick names , the pleasure that u get on seeing her photo after taking it out from the hidden place which even the fbi would not have imagined in their wildest dreams, the days when the astrologer in you wakes just to give you a reason to hold her hands and say " You are going to settle with an aminjikarai local...you will have two kids ...blah blah...but ...but... finally you will be very happy" , those travels across the chennai traffic just to get a glimpse of her standing besides the window to wave a tata, the birthday surprises , those cute little gifts for which you spend an entire day just to make sure its not anything short of "FOR THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON OF YOUR LIFE" , those fights which you pray will end soon , those cozy couple seats at satyam , the cold coffees , the walk across the beach holding hands , the bike rides with steep bends across each turn, the heavenly bumpers and potholes of chennai roads (kudos to the Indian government for without them these journeys would have lost their sensuous appeal) , the scary movies which has the weirdest of sounds at every odd moment giving her a reason to hold on to me tightly while I relish the moment trying to bring out the man in me and say " Small gal...when compared to the horror flicks that I have seen these kinda horror movies actually make me laugh...lol "( thank god she didn't see my legs shivering ...building strong ana basement weaku ) ........Well it was heaven ....Too good to be true .....How I wished life were to just stay there and never move at all..But all good things come to an end ...And very true even this one didnt last long with work , location , higher studies and every other possible thing taking its toll on us...it was just temporary bliss ....just like how you feel when you fart...for the moment it feels great but however the uneasiness sets again....

Well ,I just had a fart but when do I get to shit.......

2006 , June 4th

Hordes of different faces carrying the same expression -anxiousness or nervousness whatever you like to call it...people were swarming around the entire campus carrying rs aggarwal and every other fancy title which has the word "quant" in it .. Seeing such a huge number of people in formals were a rare sight , especially in my college where dress code was the last thing we needed to be bothered about. Well if you still haven't guessed , it was the first day of placements and the company was TCS .

"Sir , you have got to sign the file ", requested the voice of the 20 year old dusky hottie in the office . The chair which was turned towards the other side suddenly turns towards the hottie and sitting in the chair wearing an armani suit and with legs crossed in the most stylish way , he just takes out his parker and casually signs it . He had just signed a 2 crore deal .... Well look closer ...what the fuck???? ...Ya I couldn't believe it ...I just opened my eyes wide and I saw the person sitting clearly...It was not "he" it was "me"...Yup , I was the one in the chair with the armani . "Well Shilpa , I would like you to meet me after the office at 5 ...we need to discuss a few things "...
"Sure Sir " she winked ...

thud ...something hit my head ...
"dai pannada , naan shilpa ellai naaan Ramaswamy ( useless fellow , I am not shilpa I am Ramaswamy )..the presentation is over come we have to take the aptitude test.. "......oh , holy shit ", I had been dreaming through the entire presentation..

An hour after that I was frantically clicking the answers on the screen vaguely trying to remember the options from the previous year paper as most of them were repeated .A few minutes later , the test came to an end with the SUBMIT button being clicked and the pop up message " Congrats you are selected for the interview "....Phew I was almost there....Just an interview to go.

"Motherfuckers , how long do they want us to wait .... macha I am too tensed that I am not even able to piss ...I need to get a fag " my friend shouted...It was the same story with everyone...the wait was long , in fact very long ranging from 6 hours for the luckier ones to 10 hours for the unluckier ones....

It was ten minutes past 12 , when the hr guy came to mike and requested us to assemble there..."Sorry for making you people wait...blah blah...( cut the crap...my head is gonna burst )
and the list of selected candidates are .....ram....rekha.................blah........blah (when is my name gonna come)....arun kumar r ....ya I heard it clearly ...oooooooooooo...I have been selected...no more eee ...no more respect to the poor staffs who were going to handle our last semster .. goodbye to R S AGGARWAL...ha ha...IF EVER THERE WAS GOD THEN THATS ME .........

well , maybe I really would meet Shilpa after the work...lol

A year and a half later ,
"hum , kissi gali jaa rahe hain " , atif was singing in the background...There I was wandering across the streets of Kolkatta trying desperately to find a home which would help me escape from the boredom of bench life and the "dont worry you will get a project" consolation from the pathetic HR's...It was three months and I was still in bench...

and , Shilpa had left a lot earlier ..........( a year back just after my dream had ended)

Well i realised that the feeling that I got when I got placed was just a fart..the uneasiness had set in again....

I just had a fart but when do I ever get to shit.......

In life there are lot of moments which are wonderful , and you yearn to relive those moments . The perceptions do tend to change..What was supposed to be your dream job might just turn out to be your worst nightmare , what was supposed to be days spent with your sweety-pie might just about dissapear with work taking its toll on both..and the list is endless..but however these moments are always fresh and tend to live forever in our hearts ...and the most important thing is to savor the moment for what it has to offer at that point of time...you get to fart ... There are lot of moments that life offers, teaching us the ecstasy of joy and the pains of suffering... and truly when do we get to shit rather than fart ....I guess its when we learn to realize that life is going to be full of ups and downs , learn to live for the moment and enjoy the highs and lows taking all of it in a stride along the beautiful journey called life...Well maybe, one day I will truly be able to relish life irrespective of what it has to offer...

And maybe I get to shit too...............